An Atheistic Examination of the Culture of Death
Pope Makes Spontaneous Utterance That Does Not Make Immediate Sense - Fri, Jul 26, 2002
The Vatican, Rome, July 26, 2002
Special to The Raving Atheist
Pope John Paul II made "a spontaneous utterance that did not make immediate sense" yesterday at the World Youth Day, according to today's New York Times.
Specifically, the Pope shocked his audience by suggesting that the last World Youth day took place in Krakow, Poland. In fact, the last World Youth day in Poland was held in the city of Czestochowa in 1991.
This factual error was the first ever for the Pontiff, who believes that in this twenty billion year old universe God watched dinosaurs stomping about the Earth for hundreds of millions of years before first deciding, two thousand years ago, to engage in some form of non-sex with a virgin Hebrew woman for the express purpose of having a son to kill and thereby erase all human sin. Given the Pope's iron-clad grasp of reality, observers were shocked by the inaccuracy regarding the location of the last World Youth Day. They pointed out that the Pope had accurately identified Fatima, Portugal as the place where his murdered son's mother, Mary, had last hovered over a tree to predict to three illiterate shepherd children both world wars and the 1981 assassination attempt on his own life, even though that prophecy occurred way back in 1917.
The Pope resumed making immediate and perfect sense, however, when he cautioned his listeners against enjoying the "fleeting pleasure" of the five senses, an activity commonly know as "being alive." He also condemned materialism and capitalism. As an example of the evil that may result when capitalists rely on their five senses, the Pope pointed to the destruction of the World Trade Center last September by anti-capitalists who suffered from non-sensory-based delusions regarding an alternative universe where murderers enjoy sex with 70 virgins apiece.
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