The Raving Theist

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Fruit of the Loons (and Vegetables)(Updated)

January 7, 2009 | 43 Comments

Some three years ago, in the comments section of The Dawn Patrol, I linked to a picture of a fruited hat.

Dawn invoked the no fruit rule.

I told her that her demand was fruitless.

They read me my Carmen Miranda rights.

I invoked my right to Romaine silent.

I lost my a Peel, which Artichoke you up if you’ve got a Heart.

I hereby Produce the full trial transcript.

Robert N G identifies the tribunal that heard the case at 3:18 pm (12/29/05) of the link provided above. Although it’s not on that thread, I recall that the majority opinion was written by Justices ALeeko and Frouter.

The proceedings spanned two years – do you wonder why I went bananas?

EMERGENCY AVIAN ALERT: Sorry for the interruption, but it has just come to my attention that the CEO of the Tyson poultry company has just stepped down at age 71. As an industry analyst told the associated press, “he’s not a spring chicken.”

UPDATE: Unspeakably Violent Jane says: In a previous post you said you were done with the puns. You lied. This is what I mean when I talk about the moral inferiority of theists.

A: No, I said it was just the penguining. My promise (yesterday) to stop it tonightingdale simply meant I would take a rest from the puns for the day sometime in the evening; I did not say I would never resume. Just like you might say you were going to stop looking for a lost ring outside “tonight” when it got dark. That does not mean you wouldn’t continue in the light when dawn broke.

Now start looking for your lost sole, UVJ. I’ve haddock enough of your carping. Salmon chanted day you will meet the greatest Fisherman of them all.


43 Responses to “Fruit of the Loons (and Vegetables)(Updated)”

  1. antiaphrodite
    January 7th, 2009 @ 12:30 pm

    I shall de-lurk this once and have a shot of these zesty posts.  They have quite a zing in them which I likes.  Mmmm!

    (Oh and welcome to the fold–erm, I mean, basket.)

  2. Carla
    January 7th, 2009 @ 12:54 pm

    I turnip my nose at this post.

  3. Lily
    January 7th, 2009 @ 12:57 pm

    Lettuce pray for an end to vegetable puns.

  4. antiaphrodite
    January 7th, 2009 @ 1:01 pm

    I have a taste for puns but not vegetables.

  5. Lily
    January 7th, 2009 @ 1:06 pm

    It’s chard, I know, but someone has to squash this relentless punning.

  6. mk
    January 7th, 2009 @ 1:33 pm

    Lemon get this straight. You guys have egg-aggerated the art of punning to the point of grating on my nerves.

    I shallot go on. I yam simply not as gouda as you are at this game. I have bean trying, but it’s no use. Every time I come up with something I see that you have beet me to it. Curdn’t you cut me some slack? I mean, why can’t you just cauliflower a flower? Why all the puns?

    This is a halibut way to spend your time, but I’m not taking the bait.

    What do you say chum? Shall we try a new angle?

  7. Carla
    January 7th, 2009 @ 1:43 pm

    I find you completely radishing.

  8. mk
    January 7th, 2009 @ 2:01 pm

    Oh Carla,

    I’d offer my hand in marriage, but lettuce just say, that given our circumstances, we-can’t-elope.

  9. Lily
    January 7th, 2009 @ 2:02 pm


  10. Melissa
    January 7th, 2009 @ 2:05 pm

    Punny stuff!! Though, I don’t think I have any fresh fruit or vegetable puns to add. So, I’ll just share a couple from a Veggie Tales video in which Larry the Cucumber said he wanted to stage a production of “War and Peaches” or “Lime and Punishment”. LOL 

  11. Carla
    January 7th, 2009 @ 2:05 pm

    Sorry Lily.  I love Veggie Tales.

  12. Melissa
    January 7th, 2009 @ 2:08 pm

    Oh, and speaking of Veggie Tales, you might like this You Tube video of Larry’s Schoolhouse polka! :) It deals with homophones. Fits pretty nicely with all the funny punny talk! LOL It’s a classic!

  13. Unspeakably Violent Jane
    January 7th, 2009 @ 2:39 pm

    In a previous post you said you were done with the puns.  You lied. This is what I mean when I talk about the moral inferiority of theists.

  14. Jeney
    January 7th, 2009 @ 2:55 pm

    I don’t carrots too late to stop.

    This is the one that ruined me. 

  15. Melissa
    January 7th, 2009 @ 3:00 pm

    Not sure who you are addressing in particular, but I don’t think your statement makes any sense. Saying you’re “done” with something doesn’t necessarily mean absolute permanence. If one had said that they would never utter a pun again, and then did so, THAT would be a lie. But just to say that they are “done” doesn’t necessarily mean forever does it? When you are “done” eating, that doesn’t mean that you will never eat again. You are just done until your next meal, right? 

    I’m “done” commenting for now, but it’s not to say that I will never comment agan. ;) We are all prone to mistakes, errors, and lies. NO ONE (atheist or theist) is perfect. That’s why we all need redemption. 

  16. mk
    January 7th, 2009 @ 3:09 pm


    In a previous post you said you were done with the puns.  You lied. This is what I mean when I talk about the moral inferiority of theists.

    Cut him some slack, will ya?  He’s a neophyte when it comes to this religious stuff.   He ain’t had much practice.  Give him a year or two and then he’ll really have moral hypocrisy down pat!  ;)

  17. Lily
    January 7th, 2009 @ 3:43 pm

    I am pretty sure UVJ was making a joke. If am wrong, I am undoubtedly leeking brain cells.

  18. mk
    January 7th, 2009 @ 3:51 pm


    If that was to me, I know she was making a joke.  I making one right back. 
    I’m definitely starting to appreciate Janes humor.

  19. mk
    January 7th, 2009 @ 3:53 pm

    Hey Lily,

    How did you get a picture in that little square?

  20. Lily
    January 7th, 2009 @ 3:53 pm

    No. No! I got  you, mk.  I thought your response was hysterical.

  21. mk
    January 7th, 2009 @ 3:55 pm


    Whew.  I thought I was losing my touch there for a minute!

  22. Lily
    January 7th, 2009 @ 3:57 pm

    If you go to, it will let you choose and crop any picture you like to be your avatar–from the web or from your hard drive. It associates that picture with the email address you enter, so, if like me, you have several email addresses, you could choose a different picture/identity for each email address. I have a different one for the blog I maintain for a professional association to which I belong because the blog is associated with my workplace email.

  23. mk
    January 7th, 2009 @ 4:44 pm

    Okay Lily,

    Let’s see if that worked…

  24. mk
    January 7th, 2009 @ 4:45 pm

    Bummer, what did I do wrong.  I went to Gravatar, followed all of the directions…now what?

  25. mk
    January 7th, 2009 @ 4:47 pm

    Ahhh, it says it might take 10 minutes or so…thanks so much tho.  That was way the best!

  26. mk
    January 7th, 2009 @ 5:27 pm

    Snikeys!  It shows up on my own blog…that is just nuts!  Ahhhh technology!

  27. Ruth Leone
    January 7th, 2009 @ 6:36 pm


  28. Lily
    January 7th, 2009 @ 6:48 pm

    MK, when you went to and got the account, it asked you for your email address. So, if you use the same address on your blog as you enter here, when you make a comment, your avatar will show up in both places. You can change the avatar any time and you can create another account with another email address (say a gmail account  that you set up for responding here) and have an avatar that only shows up when you use that gmail address. I probably should have mentioned that the avatar follows you everywhere just like a shadow …

  29. mk
    January 7th, 2009 @ 6:57 pm


    I LOVE it.  What a hoot.  All this time I’ve wondered how you guys did that…sheesh.

  30. Christologist
    January 7th, 2009 @ 7:11 pm

    Don’t you godidiots know the difference between fruits and vegetables? If not, how can you expect to tell the difference between self delusion and knowledge of God? Of God and the tricks of the devil for that matter.

  31. Tenspace
    January 7th, 2009 @ 8:12 pm

    Wow, RT, it sounds like you’ve blown a seal.  Okay, I’ll leave your sex life out of it.

    (tip of the hat to Kip Adotta, the master of underwater puns)

  32. ALICE!!!
    January 7th, 2009 @ 8:20 pm


  33. Christina
    January 7th, 2009 @ 10:56 pm

    Christian or not, I think you might be channeling Pa Ingalls.

  34. K T Cat
    January 7th, 2009 @ 11:51 pm

    You’re really cleaning up with these puns.  You are indeed bringing us Tideings of good Cheer.

  35. Helen
    January 8th, 2009 @ 1:03 am

    Orange you glad we aren’t being cheesy anymore.  This post doesn’t seem to be raisin as much interest as the others.  Peas out.

  36. T-Dogg
    January 8th, 2009 @ 2:05 am

    Y’all are making Christinanity seem like something that appeals to sad losers with the same sense of humor as my grammy, I tell you what

  37. T-Dogg
    January 8th, 2009 @ 2:08 am

    Atheists, be cryin, and I aint lyin!!!!!!

  38. antiaphrodite
    January 8th, 2009 @ 2:25 am

    Losers?  Well, lemon just tell you, I like sour grapes.

  39. T-Dogg
    January 8th, 2009 @ 2:40 am

    mango kumquat jamba jews

  40. Bill B (AKA Theocoid)
    January 8th, 2009 @ 4:11 pm

    Appeals? Dang, you stole my pun.

  41. Joseph Hertzlinger
    January 11th, 2009 @ 2:39 am

    The noted atheist Isaac Asimov sometimes wrote puns in the form of SF stories, so this isn’t limited to theists.

  42. жEлтЫйкOт
    May 24th, 2009 @ 7:42 am

    Вот это да… После прочтения даже мне эта тема стала интересна.

  43. kk
    January 6th, 2011 @ 6:48 pm

    do u have any good vegtable puns that i can sneak into a funny little speach?

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