The Raving Theist

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Daily Headline

January 1, 2009 | 34 Comments

theistparody71>
January 1, 2009, New York, New York
Special to The Raving Theist

Encouraged by kind e-mails from well-wishing believers, the Raving Theist has announced and completed his campaign to be the spiritual director of all Christendom just two weeks after converting from atheism.

TRT acknowledged that he was an “unconventional choice” but promised to work twice as hard to compensate for his previous lack of piety. Citing recent senatorial appointments and the apppointment of Obama by the media, TRT said that he had concluded that appointment, specifically self-appointment, was the most appropriate route to the office.

TRT dismissed critics who questioned his readiness to lead his suddenly-fellow Christians. In addition to citing his experience running a blog, he noted that as The Raving Atheist he had gained “unparalleled humility” from being so utterly wrong about the nature of the universe and his place in it. However, quoting Proverbs 27:2, he said that he would leave it to others to judge whether he was the most humble man on Earth.

TRT refused to answer questions from reporters but vowed to get back to them with answers on “that whole prayer thing.” TRT also said he would graciously welcome advice from readers on how to run their lives, and noted that he had already established a “team of rivals” in his comboxes comprised of warring factions of obscenity-spewing atheists and mortified believers.

TRT ran himself on a slogan of “Hope and Unchange,” alluding respectively to the prospect of eternal life and the nature of God.

Comments

34 Responses to “Daily Headline”

  1. Marion
    January 1st, 2009 @ 10:25 pm

     You’re ready to be “the spiritual director of all Christendom? ”

    Yeah? How would you do you do the exegesis of a stop sign?

  2. Melissa
    January 1st, 2009 @ 10:57 pm

    These headlines are really something. :) LOL 

  3. Helen
    January 2nd, 2009 @ 12:40 am

    Well…..
    1) It worked for St. Paul.
    2)  Sometimes you have to praise yourself.  It is like when I say I am an awesome cook.  I am a Christian.  I have to tell the truth, don’t I?

  4. Helen
    January 2nd, 2009 @ 1:22 am

    Humility is a virtue to be proud of….teehee

  5. Beelzebub
    January 2nd, 2009 @ 2:58 am

    Don’t worry; I don’t think anyone expects you to be another…Jesus Christ.  For myself, I’m just a garden variety nutcracker.

  6. Carla
    January 2nd, 2009 @ 8:01 am

    Congratulations!!! You had me at Hope and Unchange.

  7. Michael
    January 2nd, 2009 @ 8:38 am

    Hope and Unchange…is that kinda like unchange we can’t believe in?  Ha ha great headline, love them keep them coming!

  8. Philboid Studge
    January 2nd, 2009 @ 9:10 am

    “Hope and Unchange,” alluding respectively to the prospect of eternal life and the nature of God.

    Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

  9. UnspeakableyViolentJane
    January 2nd, 2009 @ 9:12 am

    Works for me.  I don’t know why one kid wouldn’t be any more of an expert on Santa than another.

  10. BenYachov(Jim Scott 4th)
    January 2nd, 2009 @ 11:33 am

    It’s going to be fun having you onboard dude.  Pope Benedict could use a sidekick.  You’d be Pope-man & Theist Boy champions of orthodoxy & correct theistic thinking.  You get to wear a cape too.:-)

    God bless Bro!:-) 

  11. Melissa
    January 2nd, 2009 @ 12:04 pm

    LOL Yeah, a cape!! The bright orange one of course.  LOL :)

  12. BumBum
    January 2nd, 2009 @ 12:55 pm

    Wow, spokesman for ALL christianity? That’s like carrot top announcing that henceforth he will represent all gingers with learning difficulties

  13. Steve
    January 2nd, 2009 @ 2:26 pm

    You have a weird sense of humor.

  14. Adam
    January 2nd, 2009 @ 2:51 pm

    Can I be your speech-writer?

  15. The Sheepcat
    January 2nd, 2009 @ 2:51 pm

    BenYachov and Melissa,
    No! No capes! Didn’t you see The Incredibles?:-)

    RT,
    Very funny. Great to have you aboard.

  16. nile
    January 2nd, 2009 @ 5:22 pm

    Most humble man in pursuit of  being the spiritual director of all Christendom!  He is making fun of both theists and atheists alike. 

  17. Melissa
    January 2nd, 2009 @ 5:24 pm

    LOL I wondered if someone would mention that. ;) I only mentioned the orange cape because back in his atheist days, he mentioned wearing a bright orange cape and sliding down a black rainbow. ;) LOL Though, now that he’s a believer, it would have to be a cape of a different color now that he has found his way to OZ (as some like to call it). ;) 

  18. Nzie
    January 2nd, 2009 @ 5:42 pm

    Wasn’t Caroline Kennedy available? ;-)

    j/k… well, heck, give it a go.  Chesterton’s passed the torch to a few people.

  19. Peony Moss
    January 2nd, 2009 @ 6:53 pm

    Please, Abba RA, please  promise to always dispense your spiritual advice in the form of these headlines?

  20. Pansy and Peony
    January 2nd, 2009 @ 6:55 pm

    If Pascal wrote for the Onion…

    More news from the Raving Theist……

  21. ELC
    January 2nd, 2009 @ 11:08 pm

    Not long ago, you were a highly regarded atheist blogger. Google reveals the WWW is practically littered with praise of your brilliant blog entries.

    Funny how you are now a brainless psychotic, ain’t it? :)

  22. Anthony Navarro
    January 3rd, 2009 @ 3:51 pm

    Hey, TRT… As do the many angels that are rejoicing at your conversion (Luke 15:10) so do I… Welcome to the kingdom, brother! I myself, though on a different train, was once headed to the same destination as you, and I look forward to the rest of the journey now that we are traveling together. I laugh in my humanity but am grieve in my spirit at some of the comments above, but as you now know, the wisdom of God is not the wisdom of this world, and those without eyes to see or ears to hear see God’s wisdom as foolish. (1 Corinthians 1:20)

    God bless your future online efforts…

    -Anthony, “The Reformed Catholic”

  23. NancyL
    January 3rd, 2009 @ 7:37 pm

    I converted at 21, and have had 18 years of a wild ride with Christ.  I pray that you have many more divine surprises in your future, and I look forward to hearing more about how you became a turncoat.
    In Christ’s love,
    — Nancy

  24. Elizabeth Esther
    January 4th, 2009 @ 12:28 am

    Advice on how to run your life (coming from a life-long Christian):

    1. I don’t know is a good answer.
    2. Eventhough I don’t know the answer I know the One who does.
    3. I don’t need to have all the answers. The ones He gives are good enough.
    4. I believe. And sometimes I doubt. Strangely enough, that’s OK.

  25. David II
    January 4th, 2009 @ 1:19 am

    Your enormous humility is something you should be proud of, brother! ;)

    God bless!

  26. nkb
    January 4th, 2009 @ 8:50 am

    Advice on how to be a rational person:
    .
    1. I don’t know is a good answer.  “Godidit” is not.
    2. Just because I don’t know the answer, doesn’t mean another person doesn’t either.
    3. I don’t have all the answers.  I need to keep educating myself.
    4. I don’t need to believe.  And I always doubt and question.  As expected, that’s OK.

  27. Elizabeth Esther
    January 4th, 2009 @ 3:00 pm

    nkb: Since your list is a kind of rebuttal to my suggestions, I’m curious why you assume that the life of faith precludes rational thought? Or that it’s impossible to be a believer and a rational person? To my mind, that’s requires a more black-and-white perspective than the one I maintain. One might even say your constant pursuit of the answers requires a certain about of belief; ie. the answer is out there somewhere–you just haven’t found it yet? Some of us might even call that faith. ;-)

  28. Lexington
    January 4th, 2009 @ 8:20 pm

    Welcome.
    The initial emotional and spiritual rush that is yeilded from a conversion experience can be powerful.  As one is wooed by Love Himself, one may naturally respond to it with the highest of ambitions as goals.  And indeed, great things may be accomplished if we are willing to be God’s Hands, Voice, and Feet.
    After one moves from the typically emotionally-charged experience of first recognizing God, there will come days when one will not be able to intuit His Presence as clearly.  It is natural and even expected.  Do not be discouraged at these times.  The term “Dark Night of the Soul” was first coined by Saint John of the Cross, and speaks of this struggle.  From this, you will learn more of your own humility, and you will better understand faith; to believe what is beyond your intellectual capacity to prove.
    Through it all, it is an amazing journey.  And you are not alone!
    I wish you nothing but the best.

  29. Louise
    January 5th, 2009 @ 5:15 pm

    OK, so what I want to know is where the heck is the NY Times Headline Generator? I wants it!

    Welcome to the Faith, Raving Theist.

    nkb, you have obviously never heard that faith and reason are not mutually exclusive.

  30. Tragic Christian
    January 6th, 2009 @ 2:07 am

    welcome aboard, Rave.  it’s a big boat, and the ride is wilder, but it’s worth it.

  31. nile
    January 6th, 2009 @ 10:40 am

    Louise (29)  My English is not very good, but if I am not mistaken, you are saying that faith and reason can go together.  This idea can be refuted with many examples.  1.   Can miracles be explained by reason?  2. Can revelation be explained by reason? and many others…Reason needs logic and scientific proof; faith depends on subjective information plus convincing.   A person of faith can only be reasonable as far as reasoning does not conflict with his/her belief.  That’s why Galileo suffered; that’s why Darwin suffered and that’s why the Church had to apologize in both cases.

  32. Louise
    January 6th, 2009 @ 6:09 pm

    Rubbish and tosh!

    What you are doing is confusing reason with the scientific method.

    Faith is perfectly reasonable:

    1. How did we get here?  Big Bang? Ok, so why was there a Big Bang? O look, science does not know! So, for some mysterious reason the Big Bang happened. Wow. Let me tell you that it takes far more faith to believe that we just randomly happened, than that a god of some sort created us.

    2. Galileo only “suffered” house arrest and was actually treated well. He was placed under arrest only because he tried to insist that the Church change scripture to meet with the new scientific knowledge available (and which he, incidentally did nothing to prove, that was Copernicus and others, all of whom were Catholics, btw).

    Which only goes to show that Galileo was ignorant of the way we ought to understnd scripture, which is not as a science text. I have no idea why the Church ever apologised, actually.

    3. It is not only reasonable to believe in a god of some sort, it is also reasonable to believe that Jesus is God. Show me why it isn’t.

  33. nkb
    January 7th, 2009 @ 10:27 pm

    Louise,
    Thanks for the humor.  Your impression of an uneducated fundie, regurgitating Christian talking points, was spot on.

  34. Andy
    January 14th, 2009 @ 10:34 pm

    That’s funny. Thanks for the short bit of humour.

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