The Raving Theist

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Paris Hilton Professes Deep Catholic Faith

May 2, 2006 | 14 Comments

Los Angeles, California, May 2, 2006
Special to The Raving Atheist

“Simple Life” actress Paris Hilton is a “deeply religious” Catholic, according to today’s New York Post. “Of course, they’re not going to be running pictures of me in church,” she said, alluding to her well-publicized preference for classical Latin over what she considers the “impure” ecclesiastical idiom favored by the Vatican.

Classical Latin arose from the evolution of prisca latinitas into sermo urbanus through a process of Hellenization. The ecclesiastical idiom, on the other hand, was an outgrowth of sermo cotidianus — a hybrid of sermo urbanus and sermo vulgaris.

Despite these linguistic differences, however, Hilton does not view her canon of scriptural interpretation as varying significantly from Church teaching. “Te totum applica ad textum; rem totam applica ad te,” explained the internet fucking video star in an interview with the homosexual magazine Out. And like fellow “devout Catholic” Stephen Colbert, Hilton embraces the traditional doctrine of trinitarian fictivity.

Comments

14 Responses to “Paris Hilton Professes Deep Catholic Faith”

  1. The No God Boy
    May 2nd, 2006 @ 10:17 am

    One of the key tenants of this or any faith, and for me a founding principle of my athiest beliefs is: Quondam a meretricis , usquequaque a meretricis.

    After that, its easy to ignore and dispense with people like Paris Hilton.

    Just remember….Illic est haud deus. Is does nusquam esse

  2. hermesten
    May 2nd, 2006 @ 10:22 am

    Paris Hilton? Aren’t he and Ann Coulter brothers?

  3. Aaron Kinney
    May 2nd, 2006 @ 10:41 am

    Ingles, por favor?

  4. Tman
    May 2nd, 2006 @ 2:11 pm

    Let me try…

    Once a whore always a whore.

    Do not be deceived, god does not exist

    ???

    Is that close. It’s been years since high school Latin.

  5. bernarda
    May 2nd, 2006 @ 3:59 pm

    ignotum per ignotius

  6. Brad
    May 2nd, 2006 @ 4:56 pm

    Paris is playing Mother Teresa in some movie now too. Which I guess is scary, cause Paris Hilton has higher moral standards then Mother Tesera ever had :/

  7. Aaron Kinney
    May 2nd, 2006 @ 5:08 pm

    Bernarda, I think you misspelled ignotus.

  8. Lynnize Pumpkin
    May 2nd, 2006 @ 6:25 pm

    This seriously can’t be true, what is this world coming to? OMG

  9. The No God Boy
    May 3rd, 2006 @ 12:51 am

    The point is that for some reason people seem to need to worship SOMETHING. Celebrity worship comes from the same place as religion.

    I worship no one. You do not impress me. Neither does your car, money or clothing.

    D

  10. JB Magnus
    May 3rd, 2006 @ 1:36 am

    Paris Hilton. ah, i knew she’s always been religious. remember that flick she’s impaling herself on some mediocre dick, she kept saying, “Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!”

    If that’s not religious, I don’t know what is.

  11. bernarda
    May 3rd, 2006 @ 4:03 am

    Aaron, I don’t think so. Another version/

    obscurum per obscurius

    But as we all know,

    omnia dicta fortiora si dicta Latina

    My favorite is/

    Nunc est bibendum, nunc pede libero pulsanda tellus — Odes of Horace.

  12. Aaron Kinney
    May 3rd, 2006 @ 11:21 am

    I guess the Notre Dame’s online latin dictionary sucks then. Oh well, you definitely seem to know more latin than I do.

  13. bernarda
    May 3rd, 2006 @ 2:28 pm

    Aaron, try answers.com

    My latin is from long ago and I need refresher courses. Internet is lovely for that.

  14. Carletta Klaus
    July 27th, 2010 @ 10:39 am

    We have been watching Paris Hilton’s BFF. Where do they come across these folks? They are from another world!

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