The Raving Theist

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Atheist Company Declares War On Christmas

December 6, 2005 | 28 Comments

Los Angeles, California, December 6, 2005
Special to The Raving Atheist

Atheist-run Beyond Belief Media has formally declared war on Christmas, the December 25 holiday in which Christians celebrate the birth of the mythical figure Jesus Christ, the company announced today.

“Christian conservatives complain nonstop about the ‘War on Christmas,’ but there really isn’t any such war,” said Beyond Belief Media president Brian Flemming, a former fundamentalist Christian who is now an atheist activist. “So we have decided to wage one, to demonstrate what it would look like if Jesus’ birthday were truly attacked.”

As its opening salvo, Beyond Belief Media has purchased advertisements this week in the New York Times, USA Today and the New Yorker magazine. The company’s 300-member volunteer “street team” is also descending on Christmas-themed public events with random “guerilla giveaways” of Beyond Belief’s acclaimed documentary The God Who Wasn’t There.

“No Christmas pageant or Nativity display is safe from our troops,”said Flemming. “Wherever the mythical figure Jesus is celebrated as if he were real, we will be there with an information barrage. We will undercut the idea that there is any point at all to celebrating the ‘birth’ of a character in a fairy tale.”

“Obviously our ‘War on Christmas’ is a bit tongue-in-cheek,” said Flemming. “But the Christian myth does dominate U.S. culture, and there’s no time better than Christmas to take a fresh look at that myth and see it for what it is.”

“Obviously, this story you are now reading about Flemming’s ‘War on Christmas’ is just another of my website’s news parodies,” said The Raving Atheist, a blogger who supplies commentary on one of the DVD’s audio tracks. “The notion that an atheist organization would ever be in a position to run ads in the New York Times, USA Today and the New Yorker is so preposterious that only the most gullible among us would believe it,” he added. “Just check the papers for yourselves, and rest assured that your children are safe.”


28 Responses to “Atheist Company Declares War On Christmas”

  1. jahrta
    December 6th, 2005 @ 4:55 pm

    Why are all my comments being blocked? That’s the kind of thing that can make someone decide to blog elsewhere – and then you’d have to go without my blogging fees :P

  2. The Raving Atheist
    December 6th, 2005 @ 4:58 pm

    We’re still tweaking the spam controls — hopefully the comment posting problems will be worked out shortly.

  3. Jennifer
    December 6th, 2005 @ 5:09 pm

    I’m still waiting for the Action Figures and the Video Game. Flemmings lack of commitment to capitalism makes me sad.

  4. hermesten
    December 6th, 2005 @ 6:28 pm

    I guess I don’t see the point, since any response will be at least as irrational as the original belief.

  5. Anonymoose
    December 6th, 2005 @ 10:16 pm

    Hey, fuck you, Brian Flemming. Christmas is awesome. Who doesn’t like a break from school/work and free gifts from people? It’s so generic and commercialized now that no one needs to worry about the religious implications of the holiday.

  6. Anonymoose
    December 6th, 2005 @ 10:27 pm

    OK, so now I feel guilty about the “fuck you”, even though it was jocular. Most people would probably think it was serious. I doubt either of my comments will see the light of day because of the new screening process, but I didn’t want everyone to think I’m a jerk. :(

  7. Anonymoose
    December 6th, 2005 @ 10:28 pm

    Never mind, no one has any idea what I’m talking about now, heh. Hope you get those spam problems sorted out soon, RA.

  8. Michael
    December 7th, 2005 @ 1:14 am

    Dude, you got me. Though I have to say as someone who ordered the DVD to show, I was sorely disapointed with the final product and did not have any screenings because of the poor quality of the dvd – I could not associate my name with it, it was so bad from pacing to editing…the end was really bad and portions of it needed to be upfront and not at the end of the video…ahhh there was a couple of good ideas and I could understand how a former fundie in full bloom with his new-found reality would giddily think it was a saleable product, but from a profession, hell even from an amatuer’s point of view it was a failed media product.

    But that was a great post RA and I am certain we have all played mental games about handing out pamphlets, etc to the believers….

  9. jahrta
    December 7th, 2005 @ 9:21 am

    Jennifer, if you’re waiting around for an anti-god video game, may I suggest god of war? you play as a mortal who was royally screwed over by ares (who takes great pleasure in laying waste to athens, city of reason and civility). You have to spend the game looking for the means to kill the bastard. It’s also a fantastically-executed ps2 game in its own right, even without the anti-god message (only downside is that along the way, you’re helped by zeus, athena, hera, poseidon and hades).

  10. Jennifer
    December 7th, 2005 @ 9:56 am

    Thanks jahrta! What bothers me though is the lack of commitment to commercialism. Waste, waste, waste.

    Its always the Artists, sitting in an advertised chair, writing with an advertised pen, wearing advertised clothing, and looking down their noses at marketing….and then whining because they don’t have any money.

  11. Graham
    December 7th, 2005 @ 10:24 pm

    After we get done with Christmas, let’s go after that pussy Easter Bunny next! Atheists, CHARGE!!!!!!!!

  12. Jason Malloy
    December 8th, 2005 @ 12:00 am

    I fear there’s too much dissent in the ranks to ever win this war.

  13. MichaelBains
    December 8th, 2005 @ 9:27 am

    Thanks for the offer of War. That’s always so inviting because of its warmth and togetherness-building effects.

    Xmas hasn’t attacked me since I was … hmmm… maybe it did 2 years ago. I’ll have to check the score-board to see if this is a War I want to enjoin. I haven’t noticed any of my xtian friends or ‘sociates fighting to force it upon me but I’ll check more closely though, just in case…

    In case I find no personal cause to enlist, would it be alright if I just kill hippies and babies that I believe look like Jeebus (or some other virgin-spawn)? Let me know if that would help the cause any.


  14. .:xXLynnize PumpkinXx:.
    December 8th, 2005 @ 1:21 pm

    Thats great!!

  15. .:xXLynnize PumpkinXx:.
    December 8th, 2005 @ 1:52 pm

    because your face and your mom goes to college…

  16. Steve G.
    December 8th, 2005 @ 3:31 pm

    I can’t take it! The curiousity is too much, but the comments are closed!

    Why THAT particular quote for the comment of the day? I mean, I know the significance, but not why YOU put it up HERE of all places.

  17. jahrta
    December 8th, 2005 @ 3:46 pm

    meh – xmas never really bothered me at all. I actually enjoy it.

  18. Lily
    December 8th, 2005 @ 3:57 pm

    I’m with Steve G on this one. Spill your guts, RA. I am dying to know, too.

  19. kenyounos
    December 9th, 2005 @ 6:27 am

    ‘Atheist Company Declares War on Christmas’ — sounds like something you’d see on South Park.

  20. middlegal
    December 12th, 2005 @ 10:41 am

    With all the contraversy over Christmas being ‘under attack’ I am suprised that nobody has extolled the virtues of the Chrismon Tree.
    (This is an individual church site that has an explainer – I’ve seen Methodist and Presbyterian churches that promote the Chrismon Tree)

    “An evergreen tree, which symbolizes the eternal life, which our savior has won for us, forms the background for tiny white lights and gold Chrismons designs. The lights speak of Him who is the light of the world, and the Chrismons ornaments


    proclaim the name, the life, and the saving acts of Jesus the Christ.”

    So where’s the oppression?

    I am kind of stunned at how cranky some Christians voices are at being ‘persecuted’. In all my years as a Christian I have never seen a time when the Christian agenda has been so dominant and well reported in the public area.

    It is a long awaited dream come true for many, the awaited opportunity to witness to the world through the media – wasted on a pretense of persecution (at least in America). I think this ‘persecution complex’ is a greed for attention, frankly, keeping contraversy alive – for what reason? To preach in a negative vein? Negative attention is better that no attention at all for some egos.

  21. Roi Trieux
    December 12th, 2005 @ 12:30 pm

    A quick note about TGWWT (The God Who Wasn’t There)…

    I’m all for the message. Folklore and mythology has enjoyed far to long and bright a spotlight in this any other cultures. That being said…

    I really thought a good job was done for what it was. An inexpensively made documentary. However, there were a couple of scenes I would have re-shot, (for lighting and/or sound purposes) and the closing scene gives the picture far too much a personal slant. It’s like a final “Fuck You” that I feel takes away from the factual set-up. Perhaps having the interview with the former educator first; then the journey for truth. This would have been a better choice IMHO. It is also my opinion that to really have a say in these religious arguments, nearly all personal anger has to be abandoned. The facts work in the Atheists favor, and that is what needs to be focused on. Otherwise, an opportunity for the believer to simply assume you’ve have a bad experience in the church will always be available. In the words of Joe Friday… Just the facts.

  22. dave
    December 12th, 2005 @ 2:12 pm

    What the hell is going on? Maybe I’m just retarded, but is the DVD for real, or is it just an anti-thetical parody of some sort? Because I wouldn’t mind checking it out. E-me, and fill my novice mind in.

  23. Magnus Greel
    December 16th, 2005 @ 2:42 pm

    Loved The God Who Wasn’t There… except for the part where all those poppy Christian songs won’t stop playing over and over again in my head… put your hands together… dammit…

  24. degustibus
    December 16th, 2005 @ 4:38 pm

    Fuckin DVD–not closecaptioned, not subtitled, why do you hate deaf atheists?

  25. Jennifer
    March 26th, 2009 @ 9:04 am

    “former fundamentalist Christian” I think this about sums up the fact that this guy is a nut. He is simply an extremist in whatever he believes in. I am an agnostic and support the athiests 100% in establishing their own holiday and getting religion out of the schools and politics, but I will NEVER support anybody disrespecting somebody else’s beliefs and celebrations. If the christians are happy in their belief then let them be that way. Stop trying to force your beliefs upon them otherwise you look just as bad as the jehovah’s witnesses on my doorstep. Also, I question anybody’s moral and intellectual aptitude that thinks it’s okay to ruin somebody else holiday and ceremonies. Whether you believe in God or not you should still strive to be a tolerant human being.

  26. Jake Smith
    August 12th, 2009 @ 11:44 pm

    please youtube anonymoustruther. we are on to your kind my friend and you will pay the high price of treason. its your kind of people who are socialist pigs ready to destroy our awesome country.

    just like in zeitgeist you are using false references that originally started in the ancient mystery schools in the early part of human civilization. i use to follow the zeitgeist theology only to later find out that there are 150 + references to Jesus of Nazareth outside of Christianity and the bible. including from non believers who documented this person to have lived.
    its better to just be honest and convince people to join your group or organization by other means.if someone came into your home and fucked your kids and raped your wife he shouldn’t face jail time simple because he chooses to believe there is no law.And if you were to pass judgment on this person and say that even though you don’t believe in god the actions they took were wrong that would bring up a moral issue which i or anyone could simply say we don’t agree making the action acceptable. madam Bavaria strikes again. all of your work is un original and been copied from earlier works from madam Bavaria and others who admit that there is a God But have Chosen to be on the opposite side of his creation. I’ve studied world religions and world history. both majors have taught that there is not scientific evidence to unprove god’s existence. in fact scientist refer to this mystery as a god cell.

    oh and to Jennifer, thank you. that is the correct answer, way better than mine. no Nazi’s should impose or disrespect another culture. Hitler didn’t and mass genocide followed that dangerous theology. peace to all of you. NAZI PUNKS FUCK OFF!!! – Dead Kennedys

    its simple keep your own fucking thoughts to yourself. freedom entails that anyone can believe whatever they choose. but when you start a campaign of propaganda to destroy a free individuals right to follow which ever they want you become a fascist. one thing i can say about the Christians i have met. they never imposed on me there belief only there view point. they aren’t fighting to make that religion a imposed order as the people who have taught you do. you see, we are waking up to the new age and new world order movement, we understand that you think you are gods. guess what? if someone pulls a trigger while pointing it at your head. you would feel fear like you’ve never felt before. why you scared? nothing happens anyway when you die.

    oh and thanks for giving us a website with the address of your company. I’ll be sure to spread the word of where you are located so we could have a document and research discussion whit people much more informed and unbiased as you are. dumbass!

  27. Jake Smith
    August 12th, 2009 @ 11:52 pm

    the truth behind these fools!

  28. Dennis Teel
    July 18th, 2011 @ 10:52 am

    it’s like this..people who hard bash christmas and christians are no better than finatical christians.
    and btw,not ALL christians are finatics./

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