The Raving Theist

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God Squad Review CXLVIII (Communion Without Annulment)

November 7, 2005 | 7 Comments

“No sacraments for you,” said a Church to a couple who were married by a justice of the peace after the husband was unable to get annulment of his first marriage. So they’ve written to the Squad to see if there’s any way they could convince a priest to give them a spoonful of Jesus’ bloody guts, without which getting in to Heaven is so much harder. The Squad recommends that the guy re-apply for the annulment, suggesting that there might be a few modern loopholes to be exploited:

In the 1970s, the church took another look at its grounds for annulment and added the most commonly used cause today: “lack of due discretion.” A person seeking an annulment would have to acknowledge that there was something missing in the marriage from the beginning that would have kept it from lasting forever. In your husband’s instance, there seems to have been a lack of desire for a commitment by his former wife.

A person seeking an annulment might also choose to highlight any immaturity, abuse or addiction that would keep their marriage from being healthy, happy or holy. In other words, although a couple entered into marriage, their marriage could be dissolved because one or both spouses were incapable of having a lifelong spiritual commitment.

What sleazy lawyering. Shameful, considering that the Church recently offered an easier, more honest solution:

Catholics who remarry without having obtained an annulment of their original union — a declaration that the marriage was invalid from the beginning — can receive Communion only “if they promise to live as brother and sister without sexual relations.”

What’s so hard about that? It sure beats living as brother and sister with sexual relations. Or father/daughter, with or without the sex.


7 Responses to “God Squad Review CXLVIII (Communion Without Annulment)”

  1. Jean-Paul Fastidious
    November 7th, 2005 @ 1:17 am

    Oh, let’s just get the obvious one out of the way…

    “Or they can live as priest and altar boy.”

    There. Carry on.

  2. Jean-Paul Fastidious
    November 7th, 2005 @ 1:35 am

    I have a cousin in his 70s. I met him three years ago. He’s a loving husband, father and grandfather. He’s says he “doesn’t know what to believe,” tries “to live a good life” and “is a good person.” he was bar mitzvahed but hasn’t attended any religious service since. I told him I’d try to find information to help him understand what it means to be Jewish. Any advice?

    A., Gainesville, Fla.

    Dear A.,

    You should tell your cousin the Good News about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who is the Messiah foretold to the Jewish people in the Old Testament and who died on the Cross and later rose into Heaven, thus absolving us of all our sins — even the sin of being a member of the group that got Him crucified!

    But hurry! At 70, you have only a short time before your cousin goes before a bespectacled, catch-phrase-spouting St. Peter and has to explain why he never accepted Jesus into his heart, before being cast into the fiery pit of Hell.

    Love and kisses,
    Msgr. Thomas Hartman

  3. Dada Saves
    November 7th, 2005 @ 11:04 am

    Dear God Squad,

    My mom and dad recently had their marriage annulled. Am I now illegitimate?


    Lil’ Bastard

  4. Jim
    November 7th, 2005 @ 11:10 am

    The rules of these Godidiots are simply mindboggling.

    Buggering little kids? Cool.

    Exiting marriage? Not cool.

    Killing tons of muslims? Cool.

    Birth control? Not cool.

    Love thy enemy? Cool.

    Love thy gay neighbor? Not cool.

  5. hermesten
    November 7th, 2005 @ 5:25 pm

    Hey Jim, aren’t you keeping up with current events? Theistic buggering isn’t just for little kids anymore. They just busted a preist out of the army for buggering passed out soldiers.

  6. YerMom
    November 8th, 2005 @ 1:04 pm

    Why not just not tell anyone?

    Then you can eat your cracker and sip from the communal cup that all your fellow scabby-lipped, herpes-infected, backwashing bretheren already slobbered on and in.

    No one’s the wiser and if gOD existed, it wouldn’t care, anyway.

  7. MBains
    November 8th, 2005 @ 2:02 pm

    It sure beats living as brother and sister with sexual relations. Or father/daughter, with or without the sex.

    I’m quite surprised that no one posted this yet:

    Don’t know it ’til you’ve tried it…

    Silly squatters…

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