The Raving Theist

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God Squad Review CXLII (Getting to Heaven)

September 26, 2005 | 19 Comments

Can you get to Heaven if you were bad when you were younger, but act nice later? A Squad reader wants to know if he


19 Responses to “God Squad Review CXLII (Getting to Heaven)”

  1. zac
    September 26th, 2005 @ 12:37 am

    Is it the killing that’s bad, or the doing it in church parking lots? I need clarity on this important point, before I go out and accidentally get into heaven despite the killing spree that I have planned.

  2. sternwallow
    September 26th, 2005 @ 12:45 am

    “There’s an old Jewish legend that the Messiah will appear as a leper at the gates of Rome and whoever stops and offers to change his bandages will cause the Messiah to announce his coming”
    Those old Jews are screwed now that science has found a cure for leprosy. If you go out the gate today you might see some punk wearing a leper-skin coat, but no more lepers in captivity.

  3. Jean-Paul Fastidious
    September 26th, 2005 @ 3:50 am

    Wait, wait, wait… wait. Are they saying it’s hard for God to tell the believers from the nonbelievers? That’s the only way I can see reading that statement since the question being asked is whether J. will get into Heaven or not — unless they’re implying God delegates Heaven membership approval to underlings that lack His Omniscient Mind-Reading Abilities. Maybe, since they’re offering a way to tell, the God Squad is aiming for a promotion in the afterlife to fill that role.

  4. MBains
    September 26th, 2005 @ 4:39 am

    … In any case, the truth of God’s grace is that it is given precisely because we are unworthy

    Well well well! Then what better way to get into Heaven than to go on a Church Parking Lot Killiing Spree!?!?!

    Thanks RA! It all makes sense now. Only sucky-assed murderers with no self-esteem can go to Heaven. Brilliant!

    (And people really really Really do believe that kinda mental excrement! Wow!)

    I guess it’s time to throw another Baby on the Bar-B and, um, pray … or something…

  5. June
    September 26th, 2005 @ 8:25 am

    To go to heaven, you must repent.
    To repent you must sin.
    If you don’t sin, you’re not in.

  6. JP
    September 26th, 2005 @ 9:12 am

    Call me crazy, but I am beginning to think these people just make this shit up as they go along. *shrughs*

  7. JP
    September 26th, 2005 @ 9:12 am

    Call me crazy, but I am beginning to think these people just make this shit up as they go along. *shrughs*

  8. prayertulip
    September 26th, 2005 @ 11:23 am

    I disagree with The God Squad. Getting into heaven is not about what we do what we do not do.

    Jesus said, “For by grace you have been saved through faith and not of yourselves lest anyone should boast”.

    Then, that faith produces love. Love produces what we do. Paul was a murderer of Christians.

  9. June
    September 26th, 2005 @ 12:41 pm

    For years, the God Squat have been barnacles at the bottom of the religion barrel, and now they have even been abandoned by (gasp) PrayerTulip.

  10. MBains
    September 26th, 2005 @ 3:33 pm

    Paul was a murderer of Christians.

    Absolutely correct! Every person of Faith has had their Mind murdered by the like of Paul’s insanity.

    Silly Deadly Humans…

  11. prayertulip
    September 26th, 2005 @ 7:32 pm

    Hi MBains its me, prayertulip. You’re still there! Good to see you. Have you heard of Janet Folger?
    I know, I am a silly human because I am a believer but can we still be friends? I am trying to get my mind off of my son who is in the hospital. Its sad and very serious. So here I sit reading this site and counting my blessings in that I know God will never leave or forsake me. Anyway, good to see you.

  12. Borgia
    September 26th, 2005 @ 7:44 pm

    Why oh why did the GodSquad completely bypass the teachings of Luther, Calvin, and Peter on this question, opting for the more “eminent” authority of an old jewish legend? Because the said teaching of the Church fathers are, without exception, either inhuman or human, all too human.

    The theoretical quintessence of inhumanity is Calvin’s doctrine of predestination, which essentially says: there are two trains, one is going to heaven the other to hell. You are BORN onto one of them, and although your actions while riding on that train can create the illusion of free will, they are powerless to change the ultimate destination of the train (i.e., heaven or hell).

    Then we have the Catholic church’s wonderful doctrine of penance, which basically gives us flawed humans carte blanche to dirty ourselves with sinning (especially stranger-hating, which the Catholics have perfected) as long as we return penitent to the church periodically for a good scrubbing.

    So let’s forget all this Godsquad nonsense about salvation being tied to morality, and remember that its about one of two things, dumb luck and damage control.

  13. MBains
    September 27th, 2005 @ 3:50 pm

    Howdy Prayer Tulip. I’m hangin’ in and improving even. {whew!} It ain’t easy to be me. I hope your son’s condition improves 100% lady.

    And, if by “God will never leave or forsake” you, what you mean is the “imutable though comprehensible laws of nature will remain what they are” than I think that you are once again absolutely correct.

    Take care Lady!

  14. jahrta
    September 27th, 2005 @ 4:10 pm

    Prayertulip – I sincerely hope your son makes a full recovery. I really do. That way, we can all get back to ridiculing your beliefs without that nasty guilt aftertaste.

  15. ent lord
    September 28th, 2005 @ 12:20 pm

    Mark Twain discussed this in describing 2 very good christians who, upon reaching the Pearly Gates, were waved on in by a bored St. Peter. A few minutes later they heard a great parade and celebration and were amazed to see a large group of partiers carrying the neighborhood drunk ( a very bad person)on their shoulders into Heaven.
    The two who had always lived perfect lives protested to St Peter. “Why does a drunk get a parade and we just get waved in”
    St Peter replied, ” But he repented with his last breath so we got a soul we had already considered lost. You have to understand religion isn’t faith. It’s all in the timing”.
    If Twain didn’t write that, then he should have, pointing out the basic inconsistency in requiring folks to be good and moral but having an escape clause so Hitler and Stalin could be bunking with Pol Pot up there while a righteous Jew would be condemned to Hell for a lack of belief (Or timing since he died without repenting).

  16. prayertulip
    September 28th, 2005 @ 3:22 pm

    Thanks guys!!No need to feel guilty I understand. I just don’t have the strength right now to go back and forth in the atheist arena. Take care.

  17. Chris
    September 28th, 2005 @ 5:35 pm

    Even Satan and his demons believe in God.
    So it is more than mere belief.
    The crux of the issue arrives at the cross.
    When you stop pointing at yourself and start pointing to Christ.

    I couldn’t help but notice the relationship between RA’s prior post and this one.
    So to address the topic of this post – human efforts tend to keep you pointing at yourself.

    Truly, I believe there is an intense curiosity which does not subside even until death, while true denial is death.
    But faith is leaping into an unknown situation, with a confidence that comes from a certain righteousness.

    At the very least, when you see a real need, you question your own humanity if you fail to address it.

    RA acted with compassion and in faith.

    Whether you accept or reject what has been revealed, be confident that such concern does not go unnoticed.

  18. Jennifer
    September 28th, 2005 @ 5:41 pm

    Even Satan and his demons believe in God.

    I have a piece of paper here. The paper says that the Midgets feared the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Since even the Midgets knew, you cannot deny his existence.


  19. DamnRight
    September 29th, 2005 @ 1:11 pm

    I guess I’m really screwed for not believing in something that 2 other imaginary beings believe in.

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