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Daily News Revises Plane Crash Coverage to Comply with Divine Guidelines

August 28, 2005 | 13 Comments

New York, New York, August 28, 2005
Special to The Raving Atheist

God’s new rules for faith-based media coverage of aircraft disasters went into effect today, with the Daily News correcting its earlier godless coverage of a Peruvian crash by running a crowd-pleasing story that properly highlights the Almighty’s role in sparing 57 of the jetliner’s 88 passengers.

The News last week published a story on the crash entitled “Just Get Off the Plane” which credited the Vivas family with saving itself and failed to mention the Lord’s name even once.

Today’s headline, however, is “Wing and and a Prayer” — virtually identical to the one employed by the New York Post story that God praised on Friday. An additional banner, “Clutching Rosaries, Peru Jet Crash Family takes to the Air Again,” also paid tribute to the Creator, Who is Catholic except during El-Al collisions.

On Saturday, God suggested to the News that if He didn’t exist the truckers’ and typesetters’ union might realize that “anything is permitted.” The deity further hinted that upon in a proper debriefing, the News’ reporters might extract from the Vivas family a wealth of evidence showing that last week’s jungle disaster was part of a continuing divine allegory rather than an instance of mere mechanical error. Consequently, today’s coverage contains the following quotes from the Vivas regarding their latest flight, which experienced some minor turbulence upon touchdown:

“A wide-eyed Jharline [Vivas] looked heavenwards and gripped a multicolored rosary, a gift from a Catholic priest at one of the hospitals where the girls were treated after the crash.

“I was like,

Comments

13 Responses to “Daily News Revises Plane Crash Coverage to Comply with Divine Guidelines”

  1. Oliver
    August 28th, 2005 @ 5:43 pm

    Oh dear, how sad they have to go and push the God angle like that. And the whole idea that God somehow intervenes to save some chosen people and kills others… just pathetic, as RA’s last article pointed out.

  2. rev_holy_fire
    August 28th, 2005 @ 6:18 pm

    JESUS is coming soon. Are you ready? Judgment day is coming. Can’t you see the signs?

  3. Vernichten
    August 28th, 2005 @ 10:20 pm

    If one of the signs is a yapping numbskull named lucy muff and another is named rev_holy_fire then yes, I guess I have seen some signs. I don’t think it’s Judgment Day though, I think it’s a sign that the internet is becoming more accessible every day, even to people who might have trouble with sharp scissors or holding a job and especially to those who have trouble with interpersonal relationships that don’t involve gushing about how Jesus loves me so much that he’s going to let Satan torture me forever and ever.

  4. St. Teabag
    August 28th, 2005 @ 11:24 pm

    May I respectfully suggest that Lucy Muff change her name to Lucy Fur?

  5. sternwallow
    August 29th, 2005 @ 2:12 am

    “May I respectfully suggest that Lucy Muff change her name to Lucy Fur?” or maybe go the other way to “Lucy Beaver”? “Lucy Muff” is just too ambiguous. You don’t suppose “Lucy Muff” is a lame pun on “Lucy Van Peldt” do you? (a Peanuts cartoon personage for the non-US folks)

  6. St. teabag
    August 29th, 2005 @ 2:46 am

    well I was really going for the whole lucifer thing….

  7. a different tim
    August 29th, 2005 @ 11:05 am

    I reckon those two are going to hell anyway.

    Argument as follows:
    1) These posts are full of atheists (well, it is the raving atheist’s site…..). Atheism is the ideological/philosophical enemy of Christianity (and of all other religions).
    2) As good Christians they should obey the biblical injunction to love their enemies. Also, we are committing the sin of atheism (conventionally held to be a subset of the sin of despair – specificallly, despairing of God) so they should love the sinner, even if they hate the sin.
    3) They should therefore be attempting, out of love, to save our souls by converting us to Christianity.
    4) Even a superficial look at the comments, responses etc should reveal that we are most likely to be converted by rational debate and argument. If a Christian or other theist posts in this vein we tend to give detailed replies which at the very least spell out the reasons for our position.
    5) On the other hand, we respond to messages that say we’re all going to hell, or that one of us is an infidel whore bitch, with ridicule and contempt. Such messages make us less, not more, likely to convert.
    6) Lucy Muff and the Rev should therefore be attempting to engage us in rational debate. By not doing so they make it more likely that we will go to hell. They are, in fact, acting as agents of Satan by tempting us further into disbelief.
    7) Agents of Satan should expect to go to hell as well.
    8) Therefore Lucy and the Rev are going to hell. For real.

    Just because you say you’re on God’s side doesn’t make it so.

    “Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven”. Matthew 7:21.

  8. hermesten
    August 29th, 2005 @ 11:22 am

    Come on people, Lucy Muff is an obvious troll using an obviously vulgar nickname. This is a fact well documented in the RA archives.

    rev_holy_fire may be a troll as well, though I concede, there are no really obvious clues in his posts –other than consistent and prolonged idiocy. Lucy is at least attempting to be somewhat tongue-in-cheek; the rev, if a troll, is indistinguishable from many Christians. However, most real Christians of the RHF persuasion usually go away after posting on a few threads, so I think the probability that he’s a troll increases with the length of time he hangs around.

  9. a different tim
    August 29th, 2005 @ 12:02 pm

    You may be right, but she’s going to hell anyway.
    For real.

  10. Vernichten
    August 29th, 2005 @ 12:08 pm

    You’re right herm, we’re just having some fun with them. At least I know I am. I’m new to discussion boards so at first I thought it would be mildly interesting to engage them, but I am starting to see now that they are only seeking attention like a needy child throwing a temper tantrum at the mall, and ignoring them is probably for the best.

  11. hermesten
    August 29th, 2005 @ 2:23 pm

    Here are the people who need your attention. These are the Christians we have to worry about; and as Chris Hedges says in the second article, there is no place in their vision of America for people like us.

    Christian Coup d’Etat

    Extremists

  12. MBains
    August 29th, 2005 @ 4:13 pm

    a different tim said:

    You may be right, but she’s going to hell anyway.
    For real.

    Well hell! LOL! Since Hell is a state of mind, I s’pose y’all might both right.

    Ornot

  13. MBains
    August 29th, 2005 @ 4:14 pm

    Oops, I meant to add my thanks to hermesten for those links. I just read the Coup d’etat sickness earlier today. The other, well, {sigh} I’m freakin’ tired of these guys already ya know…

    OK. I’ll go look now. Thx ‘gain.

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