The Raving Theist

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Atheist’s Pro-Life Stance Exposed as a Ruse

August 24, 2005 | 1 Comment

New York, New York, August 24, 2005
The Raving Atheist

Addressing suggestions that he is either exploiting or feigning pro-life beliefs merely to win converts to atheism, The Raving Atheist has issued a statement clarifying his true views and motives.

“Atheism in and of itself is without ethical significance. I would never compromise my core moral values for the sake of empty godlessness, any more than I would do so for the trivial goal of promoting disbelief in unicorns or elves.”

“However, I unconditionally support a woman’s right to chose abortion up to the moment of birth. The reason I am pretending to be pro-life is to foster acceptance of Fermat’s Last Theorem. There are no positive integers x, y, and z such that x^n + y^n = z^n in which n is a natural number greater than 2.”

The Raving Atheist explained that many pro-lifers are mathematical illiterates who waste their lives cubing pairs of numbers and adding the products in a vain attempt to create a third cubed integer, which is precisely the result the theorem proves impossible. He added that unlike atheism, the theorem may one day find practical application in improvements to marine refrigeration systems and weather forecasting.

The plan has met with success because, as predicted, abortion opponents cannot fathom what benefit an atheist could possibly derive from faking support of pro-life causes and volunteering at crisis pregnancy clinics. The Raving Atheist says that the quasi-spiritual bond formed by the celebration of quasi-life is conducive to instilling an aversion to Pythagorean triples bearing exponents of 3 or higher. He vowed that next year he will use his blog to campaign for the dismantling of Social Security and the elimination the capital gains tax — both goals he actually opposes — in order to draw adherents to belief in the divergence of the prime reciprocal series and The Cauchy-Schwarz inequality.

Comments

One Response to “Atheist’s Pro-Life Stance Exposed as a Ruse”

  1. Da' Kan
    September 16th, 2005 @ 12:47 am

    I think that it “should” be ok to abort on the basis that the mother might know something no=one else does. I dont know if the decision is the mother’s to make, but we know that the fetus dont know shit, so we cant leave the decision to the fetus cause we might have to wait till its born to get the answer , and then we cant kill it. NOW, i support a mothers right to abort, simply because its her choice to have or not to have the baby, also, the fetus doesnt know anybetter, and hey, lets face it , he/she isn’t missing much. Hypothetical question, what if she was raped, and she cant abort, or what if the father was a deadbeat and the mother knows she would have to rasie the child without anyhelp, it is in her best interest to abort the baby. I am sad to say that that baby will not be, but the mother knows best.
    I WANT TO EAT YOUR SOUL

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