The Raving Theist

Dedicated to Jesus Christ, Now and Forever

2005 June

Supreme Court Split on Display of the Two Tits

June 28, 2005 | 51 Comments

Washington, D.C., June 27, 2005
Special to The Raving Atheist

A deeply divided Supreme Court issued split decisions on the governmental display of a woman’s breasts, allowing a titty show at the Texas capitol but barring them at two Kentucky courthouses.

In the Texas case, the court ruled that hooters can be shown if they’re part of a really artsy display of naked, classy broads that pretends it’s not just all about promoting sex. “Throughout history, the female form has been celebrated in literature and great art,” Justice Antonin Scalia wrote for the majority. “As long the government completely confuses the issue with some fancy horseshit about romance and

God Squad Review CXXXIII (Absentee Parents; Coping with Cancer)

June 27, 2005 | 13 Comments

A couple that works full time sends the teens to spend the summer at the shore with their grandparents. The parents expect their kids to go to Mass every Sunday, but the grandparents aren’t particularly observant and the kids don’t like to get up dressed up and go to church. The Squad advises that Mass is “non-negotiable” and that if no one will drive the children to church they should walk or ride their bikes. “Summer vacation does not excuse them from attending church,” they huff, and what’s more,

As children reach adolescence, they begin to think for themselves. They often get bored easily and think their parents’ values are old-fashioned. We feel you’re right in expecting your kids to attend Mass. We hope all children develop a close relationship with God.

When children challenge their parents, faith is on the way to becoming a relationship rather than an obligation. Objections are requests for more information. Parents need to be patient. Kids want to know why it’s important to worship God and what faith means. One of your obligations is to tell them what you believe and what the church teaches.

Christians believe that God showed us love by creating the world, revealing himself and by the life, death and resurrection of his son, Jesus Christ. Christians believe we are asked by God to respond by attending Mass and worshiping God as a community. Community exists when all the people are united in prayer and celebrating the Eucharist through participation at the altar.

The most poignant teacher is always the good example of parents.

It’s a good example, indeed, for parents to completely abandon their kids for three months in pursuit of money. Interestingly, mom and dad can’t bothered to spend a few precious moments with their children, but old-fashioned family values somehow require that surrogates be designated to stop their offspring from thinking for themselves — and force them to develop a close relationship with a being that’s as absent from the universe as the parents are from their lives. Sure, the kids will understand “why it’s important to worship God and what faith means” once they witness that quasi-cannibalistic blood sacrifice — all dressed up in fancy clothes while the Supreme Being ogles their young bodies with his x-ray vision.

The Squad answers a second letter from a man coping with cancer, a topic they recently explored here. Once again, they emphasize that “God is not doling out diseases,” while simultaneously suggesting that there’s a reason people get them: “while we don’t always know why disease comes, we do know that someday, when you are called by God to your heavenly home, all will make sense.” I guess that’s an acknowledgement that what’s they’re saying doesn’t make any sense now. Including the part that they “do know” it will make sense later.

Newsweek Lowers “Periscope” in Wake of Koran-Flushing Scandal

June 20, 2005 | 9 Comments

New York, New York, June 19, 2005
Special to The Raving Atheist

Chastened by the deadly Muslim violence which left 15 dead after its “Periscope” section published an inaccurate story about the defilement of the Koran by U.S. military personnel, Newsweek magazine has vowed to avoid religious controversy in the gossipy national column.

Consequently, this week’s Periscope features an innocuous item about The God Who Wasn’t There, a documentary which claims that Jesus was fictional. The column — titled “Film: Imaginary Friend?” — likens Christ to the tabloid-created rodent-child named “Batboy”and quotes director Brian Flemming as suggesting that Christians be shunned like filthy, diseased lepers. “The problem is that we let religious people say stunningly false things and we consider it rude to question those beliefs,” Flemming told the magazine, adding that “I’m not tolerant of suspending reason.”

Newsweek editor Mark Whitaker defended the decision to tone down the Periscope. “Bland, simple truths may not sell as well as spicy, unsubstantiated rumors, but we have a responsibility to our readers,” Whitaker said. “However obvious it may be that wine doesn’t turn into water and men don’t rise from the dead, the deluded, ignorant rabble that populates this country needs to have that sort of boring common sense drummed into its collective empty head.” Whitaker expressed regret that the Periscope would soon consist of little but “filler” stories such as “The Real Mary: Mother of Whores,” but said the move was necessary to restore the magazine’s journalistic integrity.

The Gods Who Will Be There

June 17, 2005 | 79 Comments

The God Who Wasn’t There premieres in New York tomorrow night at 7 p.m. at the Two Boots Pioneer Theater (155 East 3rd Street, between Avenues A and B).

Writer, director, producer and narrator Brian Flemming will be there, conducting a Q&A session at the conclusion of the film.

The Raving Atheist will attend as well, his arrival announced by thunderclap at 6:58 p.m. as he descends from the sky sliding down a black rainbow in his flaming orange cape.

Afterwards we shall all drink the night away.

The world is invited. Be there.

The God Who Wasn’t There — Special Promotional Offer

June 14, 2005 | Comments Off

The God Who Wasn’t There has premiered on DVD.

In addition to the title documentary, the DVD’s special features include commentary by Oxford evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins, Christ-debunker Earl Doherty, and a CERTAIN ATHEIST BLOGGER you may have read (!!!)

As if the opportunity to hear me rave aloud were not inducement enough, I am offering to all who purchase the DVD a free Raving Atheist refrigerator magnet:


This handsome, deskjet-crafted blog artifact will adhere to the doors of all metal-based food cooling devices and remind you to shop and read my site. Just buy the DVD here, e-mail me the invoice number and your shipping address, and your postage-paid gift will arrive at your doorstep in a matter of days.

SPECIAL OFFER: The first reader to send me a purchase confirmation shall additionally receive Dr. Reginald B. Cherry’s “God’s Pathway to Healing

The God Who Wasn’t There — Special Promotional Offer

June 14, 2005 | 19 Comments

The God Who Wasn’t There has premiered on DVD.

In addition to the title documentary, the DVD’s special features include commentary by Oxford evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins, Christ-debunker Earl Doherty, and a CERTAIN ATHEIST BLOGGER you may have read (!!!)

As if the opportunity to hear me rave aloud were not inducement enough, I am offering to all who purchase the DVD a free Raving Atheist refrigerator magnet:


This handsome, deskjet-crafted blog artifact will adhere to the doors of all metal-based food cooling devices and remind you to shop and read my site. Just buy the DVD here, e-mail me the invoice number and your shipping address, and your postage-paid gift will arrive at your doorstep in a matter of days.

SPECIAL OFFER: The first reader to send me a purchase confirmation shall additionally receive Dr. Reginald B. Cherry’s “God’s Pathway to Healing

God Squad Review CXXXII

June 13, 2005 | 18 Comments

How do Jews perceive God? a Squad reader wants to know. Specifically, the letter asks, “[w]hat are his physical and spiritual attributes?” (emphasis supplied). The Squad begins its response by address the sexism inherent in the question:

First of all, He isn’t a He. Hebrew only has masculine and feminine genders (there is no way to say “it” in Hebrew), so the masculine is chosen, but not because God is a guy. God is not a person of any gender in Judaism.

See, ladies, it’s all been just a big misunderstanding. A simple grammar problem, in fact. The omnipotent, perfect being gave its chosen people a limited language. Because Hebrew has both male and female pronouns but nothing in between, the masculine must be chosen. Think of it this way: if there were both men and women in the world, but no words for “hermaphrodite” or “android,” the men would necessarily have to get all the money and power. Linguistically speaking, that is.

But not because God is a guy. How anyone could read the Old and New Testaments and get that idea is beyond me. God is just an infinite, genderless consciousness who does all sorts of guy things and treats women like shit because the Jews can’t say “it.”

Other than that, he’s (oops, “it”) is a pretty nice guy (oops, thing). I mean, just look at It. On second thought, DON’T LOOK:

The Bible says, “No man may see me and live” (Exodus 33:20). This is why Jews reject the idea that Jesus was God, because people saw him and did not die. For Jews, God is the invisible creator of the world and will one day be the redeemer through his appointed messiah who will be coming for the first time (Jewish belief) or the second (Christian belief).

Look, omnibenevolence has it limits. It’s not that God’s a paranoid, violent psychotic, just don’t fucking stare at it or it will massacre you, okay??? Oh, and the word “man” in “no man may see me and live” includes women this time because there is no Hebrew word for “person,” and because God likes to kill women.

Note that another good reason not to look at God is that it is invisible. There’s nothing to see anyway! You could be looking at God right now. Don’t see anything? Now you’re dead!!!

I have to say, I don’t like the Jews’ reason for rejecting Christ. Is the Squad saying that the Jews would have accepted him as their Savior if the New Testament was full of stories of people dropping dead whenever Jesus walked into a room? If they want bad stuff to happen when they look at their God, why don’t they just worship Medusa?

In any event, I look forward to the day when the Jews get their wish and the invisible one kills us all for taking a peek. In case you’re wondering, the reason he’ll use an “appointed messiah” is that he’s genderless

Which One?

June 12, 2005 | 55 Comments

Submitted by Kafkaesqui:

Which religion is the most religious? (click on “Show Answer” for definition of “religious”)


Klan Billboard: “Mein Kampf Needs to be Flushed”

June 9, 2005 | 12 Comments

Danieltown, North Carolina, June 9, 2005
Special to The Raving Atheist

A billboard in front of a Ku Klux Klan lodge on one of the most traveled highways in the county has stirred a controversy over tolerance and first-amendment rights.

The sign in front of the Danieltown Klavern Hall, located at 2361 U.S. 221 south, reads “Mein Kampf needs to be flushed.” Grand Cyclops Billy Creighton defended the message.

“I believe that it is a statement supporting our belief that the Konstitution is above all, and that any other book that does not advocate the execution of kikes, fags and menstruating women is wrong,” said Creighton. “I knew that whenever we decided to put that sign up that there would be people who wouldn’t agree with it, and there would be some that would, and so we just have to stand up for what’s right.”

Although Mein Kampf calls for the extermination of Jews and homosexuals, Adolph Hitler viewed Aryan woman as useful breeders for the Master Race.

The Klan billboard drew immediate fire throughout the state. “Putting such a sign in a public place is an un-American example of intolerance, of aggressive disrespect for other citizens’ deeply held views,” said Donald Searing, Burton Craige Professor of Political Science at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. “This is the sort of attitude and action that seriously endangers the liberty which lies at the heart of our democracy. It is also a good reminder that just because one may have the legal right to say something, doing so may not be morally, socially or politically desirable.”

Professor Searing said that the billboard was particularly offensive because it attacked beliefs adopted without examination, evidence or logic, or even a cursory reading of the books in which they were promulgated. “Those are the most precious sort of beliefs of all,” Searing said. The Professor suggested that mutual respect and understanding could be fostered if the parties instead erected larger billboards setting forth lengthy excerpts of the relevant passages from their foundational texts, with the most deep-seated sentiments highlighted underlined and boldfaced. “Who could possibly be offended by that?” he asked.

In response to Searing’s criticism, Creighton later removed the sign and apologized. He said he “did not realize how many Nazis view Mein Kampf — that devoted Nazis view it more highly than many in the U.S. view the Konstitution.”

“Now I realize how offensive this is to them, and after reflecting upon it, I have chosen to remove the sign,” he said. “I apologize for posting that message and deeply regret that it has offended so many in the Nazi community.”

In his apology, Creighton said his intentions were only to remind people of the perfect and exclusive truth of Konstitution, not to disrespect another organization’s book of lies.

“I firmly believe that the Konstitution is the only Truth,” he said. “I also firmly believe that killing kikes, fags and cunts is the only acceptable course of action. I hope that we can unite in our common hatred of Jews and homos, and, in time, kill the bleeding women too.”

Judge Orders Child to Receive Brainwashing in Mainstream Idiot-Religion

June 7, 2005 | 63 Comments

Indianapolis, Indiana, June 7, 2005
Special to The Raving Atheist

Dealing a blow to the farcically silly nature-based deities of Wicca, an Indiana judge has prohibited a divorced couple from exposing their son to “non-mainstream religious beliefs and rituals” and directed that the child be indoctrinated in the insanely cannibalistic, virgin-birth-and-crucifixion-myth-based rites of Catholicism.

“Christ’s blood splattered upon the cross as crude iron spikes splintered the bones of his hands,” wrote Marion Superior Court Chief Judge Cale J. Bradford in a 285-page decision. “The issue of the fecund, unsullied womb of the Mother of God rose from the dead so that all who believe in his self-sacrifice should live forever, or face eternal torment in the fires of Hell.”

The boy’s parents, Thomas E. Jones Jr. and his ex-wife Tammie U. Bristol, believe that the Earth is a living creature, that there is a male and female force to everything, and that life is a duality. They reject the existence of Satan, or any creature of infinite evil.

“If the Earth is a living creature, then there’s a Man in the Moon,” scoffed Judge Bradford. “And this rubbish about dualities and gender-based forces is vague and incoherent. Does not salvation come to all who behold the glorious slaughter of the Lamb of God? Beware the lurking Demon who festers in the souls of men!”

The parents’ Wiccan beliefs came to Bradford’s attention in a confidential report prepared by the Domestic Relations Counseling Bureau, which provides recommendations to the court on child custody and visitation rights. Jones’ son attends a local Catholic school.

“There is a discrepancy between Ms. Jones and Mr. Jones’ lifestyle and the belief system adhered to by the parochial school. . . . Ms. Jones and Mr. Jones display little insight into the confusion these divergent belief systems will have upon (the boy) as he ages,” the bureau said in its report.

The decision immediately sparked outrage among civil libertarians. “When they read the order to me, I said, ‘You’ve got to be kidding,’ ” said Alisa G. Cohen, an Indianapolis attorney representing Jones. “Didn’t the judge get the memo that it’s not up to him what constitutes a valid religion?” Cohen added that when it comes to matters of faith, children should be exposed to all sorts of crazy shit since we’re somehow suddenly incapable of making the rational, common-sense distinctions we make in every other context.

Another attorney, Robert F. Hodges, noted that intellectual mind-rape of children was the Constitutional prerogative of parents rather than the government. “Of course, a judge may decide which religion is the “proper” one for a child to be raised in when the parents disagree, but it’s outrageous to make the exact same sort of determination when the parties have reached a consensus on the type of psychological abuse to be administered,” Hodges said. “This nation’s most precious freedom is the freedom to stuff its childrens’ heads with superstitious dogma without governmental interference, with a limited exception for the teaching of evolution in the public schools.”

God Squad Review CXXXI (Angry Atheism)

June 6, 2005 | 22 Comments

A devout Catholic mom asks the Squad how to handle her 15-year-old daughter, who was devastated by the suicide of her older brother. In fact, the girl “has totally turned against God, saying she doesn’t believe, and if there is a God, she hates him.” The poor kid has also developed mono, asthma, infected eczema, pinkeye, an ear infection and strep throat. Not to mention the mental illness the Squad’s answer is bound to bring about:

The last thing you should be concerned about is your daughter’s angry atheism. Actually, it’s one of the few positive things in your otherwise heart-rending sorrow. Her fight against God is a sign of the importance, not the absence, of her faith. One can be a person of faith in harmony with God, or a person of faith in a struggle against God. You just can’t be a person of faith without God.

::scratching head::

(1) The first thing the girl said is that she doesn’t believe in God. This, it seems to me, would qualify as being “without God,” or having an absence of faith.

(2) The Squad never explains why being a person of faith is a “positive” or “important” thing. Believing things without reason or evidence (or contrary to reason and evidence) is a mark of idiocy, gullibility and ignorance. Furthermore, if God is in fact an omnipotent creature, being in a “struggle” against it couldn’t possibly be a positive thing. Even if it somehow made you a Person of Faith,” God could hurt you very, very badly. And isn’t Satan in a perpetual struggle with God? I don’t think God loves the devil simply because he’s a POF.

(3) Isn’t “angry atheism” redundant? All of us atheists are angry — and embittered and hateful, too. It’s sort of like talking about “dopey Catholicism.”

Attention Los Angeles

June 2, 2005 | 27 Comments

The God Who Wasn’t There — a documentary by fundamentalist-turned-atheist Brian Flemming — opens in Los Angeles tomorrow as part of the Grassroots Cinema series at the Vine Theater, 6321 Hollywood Blvd. (323-463-6819) near historic Hollywood and Vine. It will run through June 9 on the following schedule:

Friday, June 3, 1:45 pm
Saturday, June 4, 9 pm
Sunday, June 5, 9 pm
Monday, June 6, 3 pm
Tuesday, June 7, 5 pm
Wednesday, June 8, 7 pm
Thursday, June 9, 9 pm

The degenerate premise of this film is that our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, didn’t even exist. Good Christians, storm the theatre every night and pack it to standing-room-only capacity to prevent unsuspecting moviegoers from having their minds corrupted by blasphemy! Make sure that Flemming never sees his name on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, except in spray paint!

Heal Thyself

June 1, 2005 | 53 Comments

Rabidly atheistic secular humanists have hijacked the Constitution to impose their view of science on the public schools. Fortunately, the private sector has escaped their grasp, as I was reminded when I walked into my local pharmacy recently. What’s that on the book rack, nestled between “Thanks for the Mammogram” and “Dr. Atkins’ New Diet Revolution?”


Let’s take a closer look:


Precisely what I want to see in an institution entrusted with filling medical prescriptions. But let’s not judge a book by its cover, or even its back cover. Dr. Cherry is a bona-fide certi-fied medical physician of doctorology, after all. So let’s start with Chapter 1:

Before we begin discussing prostate disease, how to pray for it, and what natural substances to take for it, I want to set the spiritual foundation for your healing.

As a medical doctor, I am keenly aware that I am only a helper in the healing process. Once I’ve diagnosed the likely cause of an illness prescribed the appropriate medication or treatment, and explained the process to the patient, there is only one thing left to do. Actual healing is performed by God; I only treat. More than anyone else involved, I realize and acknowledge that the patient’s manifestation of healing is dependent upon his faith in the Word of God and his obedience to God’s natural health laws.

So what is the one thing left for me to do? I pray!

No, no, no, not some silly unscientific sky-babbling to a long-dead pagan deity. Remember, he’s a doctor:

I pray very specifically. I pray, for example, for a patient’s Pathway to healing. This is based on the rather unique illustration of healing in Jesus’ ministry cited in John, chapter 9. Jesus placed mud and saliva on the blind man’s eyes, but the blind man was not healed. Jesus then instructed him to go down to the pool called Siloam, reach down in the water, and wash the mud away. In John 9:7, the Bible says that as he went his way and washed, he was healed. Thus God instructed me to set myself in agreement with each of my patients for their unique Pathway to Healing.

God’s instruction to me has been to have people consider carefully that their healing may involve the combination of the natural with the supernatural. Really, all healing comes from God and thus is supernatural


Dr. Cherry may not be an ophthalmologist, but the principle is the same. Just spitting and rubbing dirt on your prostate won’t help unless God directs you to a body of magic water. Now that pharmacies are wise to this secret, will the major teaching hospitals follow suit? Perhaps:

Our generation of physicians is just beginning to realize the limitations of modern medicine and is seeking information in the natural realm to help protect the health of our patients. Together, physicians and their patients are realizing that God has provided many natural pathways for us to help guard and protect our health.

Whenever I see someone attacking “modern medicine,” I anticipate a get-well quick scheme. Not with Dr. Cherry:

Yes, we would all like to be healed instantly, supernaturally, and miraculously. Thank God that miracles are still taking place. Jesus in the “same yesterday, and today, and for ever” according to Hebrews 13:8. But, as we saw in John 9, sometimes we are healed as we go our way, following the instructions God has given us

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