The Raving Theist

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Man Arrested on Sanity Charge For Disputing Divinity of Stain on Expressway Underpass

May 7, 2005 | 27 Comments

Chicago, Illinois, May 7, 2005
Special to The Raving Atheist

A man was arrested for allegedly scrawling “Big Lie” over a stain on an expressway underpass that some believed was an image of the Virgin Mary, according to MSNBC.

Authorities then painted over the stain because it had been defaced, police spokesman David Banks said Friday.

Authorities charged Victor Gonzalez, 37, of Chicago with not being insane, a misdemeanor. Witnesses had seen him painting the image, Banks said.

“We cannot tolerate the defacement of stains caused by salt run-off, when some people delusionally imagine them to be the Mother of God,” Banks explained. “Such conduct would only be permitted in a world not gone completely mad.”

The authorities who painted over the stain were not arrested. “Everyone crazy person knows that an all-powerful virgin underpass stain would prefer to be obliterated with paint rather than address accusations that she is a big lie,” Banks said. “Of course, had the authorities used a disrespectful shade of paint, they would have been quickly incarcerated.”

Banks also stated that security concerns required the painting of the stain. “In a madhouse, there’s nothing dangerous about letting children flock under an underpass to light candles and leave flowers,” he said.

underpassstain.jpg

“But we were concerned that they might start acting rationally if confronted with the suggestion that their lunatic belief regarding the stain was in error.”

Through his lawyer, Gonzalez insisted that he was merely defending the honor of the real Virgin Mary, who is a Caucasian chemical smudge on a third floor hospital window pane in Milton, Massachusetts. Banks countered that the suspect was feigning insanity to beat the sanity rap.

Comments

27 Responses to “Man Arrested on Sanity Charge For Disputing Divinity of Stain on Expressway Underpass”

  1. Kafkaesquí
    May 7th, 2005 @ 3:39 am

    Why is it whenever I look at this stain on a concrete underpass, all I see is years worth of hobo urine seeping through the cracks? Though looking a bit closer, there is a slight resemblance to Sesame Street’s Elmo, who albeit is divine, but not in the way you’d want for your even your average miracle mirage.

  2. Mookie
    May 7th, 2005 @ 5:31 am

    Just when you thought people couldn’t get any stupider. I saw a group of pebbles that looked an awful like a moron that believes in invisible sky gods. But that’s an insult to pebbles everywhere. I have a pumpkin pie that happens to resemble a… pumpkin pie. Do I win a prize? Or do I have to produce something that makes a bunch of people look like retards, and then charge them to see/acquire it?

  3. oDd42
    May 7th, 2005 @ 5:48 am

    Mr. Gonzalez has my sincere thanks. I can’t help but wonder though: Would he have beaten the rap had he used, say, a garden hose?

  4. MBains
    May 7th, 2005 @ 7:45 am

    “Virgin” Mary my patootie! That is one gaping example of feminine physiology if it is anything but a stain!

  5. Viole
    May 7th, 2005 @ 10:24 am

    The city should have sold the whole bridge on eBay. Too late now, though.

  6. Tru Blu
    May 7th, 2005 @ 10:41 am

    I’ve just discovered a remarkable likeness to the virgin mary, on this bit of scrap paper here I’ve been doodling on.
    In fact…
    hold on…
    yeah now it looks like her. I’m gonna set up a shrine and charge a fiver for entry!

  7. anisoptera
    May 7th, 2005 @ 11:26 am

    What he did was cold and heartless, he deserved to be arrested. Graffiti for the sake of being disrespectful is not cool. Have some fricken respect!

    (i had to type this several times cause i kept getting told my email was not entered when it was, is it just me?)

  8. hummer
    May 7th, 2005 @ 1:02 pm

    My dog took a shit… just so happens two of the logs made a cross and I bit of grass within one of the terds almost looks like jesus. Before I could get the camera the dog ate it, sorry. What should I do to the dog, cause now I know she is a spawn of satan.

  9. The One True Commenter
    May 7th, 2005 @ 1:09 pm

    Right on, MBains. That is so obviously a vagina. And I’m all about a shrine where one can make an offering to the glory of the vagina.

  10. Mookie
    May 7th, 2005 @ 2:43 pm

    Assigning special meaning to pre-existing, naturally occuring patterns is fine and dandy most of the time. But this crap is ridiculous. Imagine if it was a bunch of baboons doing it. What would we think of that? “Oh, those stupid monkeys, wasting their time looking at a stain on the wall.”

    I just have to say it. Oh, those stupid monkeys, wasting their time looking at a stain on the wall. Thankfully, someone came along to put a stop to that. The guy should be given a medal.

  11. Jean-Paul Fastidious
    May 7th, 2005 @ 10:36 pm

    anisoptera, being disrespectful to those who think venerating a stain is a lie that needs to be exposed through the medium of graffiti is cold, heartless, and entirely not cool. Have some fricken respect!

  12. Lundie
    May 8th, 2005 @ 6:58 am

    What the…I was waiting for the Lord to smite the guy what defaced his mum. Then I remembered he hated her guts.

  13. Mijae
    May 8th, 2005 @ 9:22 am

    Rack up one more vote for “vagina”.

  14. ro
    May 8th, 2005 @ 10:12 am

    news from cnn: peoples still goes there even after it was over painted… I can’t believe (in many ways)

  15. Vernichten
    May 8th, 2005 @ 12:25 pm

    I wonder if they’ll press charges against the two car wash employees who washed the paint and graffiti off of the vagina. After all, the police ordered it painted over for “safety reasons”.

  16. anisoptera
    May 8th, 2005 @ 3:47 pm

    If he reacted this way on your home then you would see it different I bet. I always thought being an athiest meant you did not believe in God, not necessarily that you hated God and glorified anything that is against God. There should be another name for you people.

  17. Lundie
    May 8th, 2005 @ 5:02 pm

    Whoa Whoa Hey hold on there ani (eek Star Wars flashback!!). First of all how can we hate God when we think he’s fiction? It’s as if you’re saying we hate the teletubbies…..waitaminit I DO hate the teletubbies! Anyway the religious hates heathens (thats us) and glorify anything that is against heathens. Should there be another name for them too?

  18. PhalsePhrophet
    May 8th, 2005 @ 8:30 pm

    Unless they used a stain blocking primer, the image would have bled back through the paint over (water stains, egg, and crayons on the wall will bleed through 20 coats or more of paint). Now the god idiots have gone and properly washed it off. Yet they still come to see an image that at best could only be how they perceive or believe the married virgin mother of three (with one child purportedly sired outside the marriage) to actually look like. They do not have, nor does anyone, a real image of this virgin mother of three to compare against. They could be placing candles at the image of Satan

  19. Viole
    May 8th, 2005 @ 11:26 pm

    I get the feeling this whole debacle, and all similar incidents, is a naked emperor scenario. You get one person who sees Mary in a stain. Then the rest of the catholics claim they can see it too, because none of them want to be left out.

    Obviously, however, merely pointing out that the Emperor is naked just isn’t going to do it, when the emperor is apparently the mother of god and capable of performing miracles. It seems like my suggestion to sell the thing on eBay is still good, though.

  20. MBains
    May 9th, 2005 @ 8:25 am

    It seems like my suggestion to sell the thing on eBay is still good, though.

    Agreed! The only problem I see is that the bidding would have to start with one’s self-respect. (Nice Emperor’s clothes anaolgy too Viole. “You see what? Oh oh yah, yah, I see it too… are we lookin’ at the same wall???“) LOL!

    Thanks!

  21. jamie
    May 9th, 2005 @ 9:56 am

    Hey Lundie – they haven’t hauled me off to the looney bin … yet. Yes, a lot of the religious do hate heathens, but the true Christians don’t. Try not to confuse the two. By the way, I’m not a dude.

  22. MBains
    May 9th, 2005 @ 3:04 pm

    By the way, I’m not a dude.

    Huh?

  23. jamie
    May 9th, 2005 @ 3:08 pm

    Lundie had referred to me earlier as a dude. I’m a dudette.

  24. MBains
    May 9th, 2005 @ 8:24 pm

    Oh. huh huh huh… ;-} Gnarly dudette.

    Ya probably wanna watch slammin’ non-true-christians though. All dudes y dudettes are differente eh… Even the ones who’re the same.

  25. bill
    May 14th, 2005 @ 10:41 pm

    have a look at
    http://www.hoax-buster.org
    it’s a new web site for people wh care about their country
    please. shit one it? I’m an old man. I can’t stop laughing
    you’ll be responsible. what a way to go. bye

  26. Claudia Balzac
    May 29th, 2005 @ 6:07 pm

    My vote is with the vagina likeness. Straight from a gynecological textbook. If the thing bleeds through (eewww!) the freaks will think that’s another sign of the “authenticity” of what they think they see. Seems that the vast majority of “sightings” of projected imagery like this are “seen” by Mexicans, or El Salvadorans, or other hispanics. Must be a theocultural thing, or they have better imaginations than those of us who possess either significantly more or significantly less melanin in our hides.

    CB

  27. Lucy Muff
    May 29th, 2005 @ 7:02 pm

    yous will all be sorry when the true likeness of virgin mary appears and you dismiss it out of hand because of wolf that was cried by hobo piss stains in bridge. Those what keeps up the faith will be rewarded when real thing comes along, of this there can be no doubts at all.

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