The Raving Theist

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April 30, 2004 | 9 Comments

The God and Goddess have again postponed my big Lotto payday, upping the jackpot forecast by my Magic Chinese Fortune Cookie to the $40 million offered in this Saturday’s drawing. Apparently S/he ignored my numbers Wednesday night to give me the opportunity to stumble across this informative exchange yesterday between “Brightwood” and “Shez” on a Wiccan message board:

From: Brightwood
Subject: Question About Spell Ethics
Newsgroups: alt.religion.wicca.moderated
Date: 2004-04-29 03:20:08 PST

Q. I was wondering if casting spells specifically to win the lottery could have any negative repercussions? I have heard that casting money spells could bring negative results in that the money may come from a[n] unwelcome source or the money may be gotten from people or persons who need it more. I can’t think of any negative outcome from using spells to help win the lottery since the money is coming from a specific place where no one really loses anything.

Any comments, suggestions etc.


From: Shez
Subject: Re: Question About Spell Ethics
Newsgroups: alt.religion.wicca.moderated
Date: 2004-04-29 06:30:01 PST

A. If the spell works let us know . . . Money spells usually work by getting money to you from the nearest source, and can cause problems. However if you specify that the source that the money comes from should be safe and unharmed, [i]t helps.

A money spell that brings you money when you really need it and enough to get you through a crisis, from a source that causes no harm to anyone is usually the best bet.

Did such a spell years ago, and every time I really need money, it comes, the tax man decides he owes me, I have over payed on my Electric and they are giving me back


9 Responses to “Spellbound”

  1. Debbie
    April 30th, 2004 @ 12:21 pm


    You clearly don’t understand Christian prayer at all. A prayer that you will find $1000 will not be answered. The correct approach is to steal the money and then pray for forgiveness.

  2. the hawk
    April 30th, 2004 @ 3:48 pm

    To Debbie,

    But you don’t want to make that alter call and find jesus til youv’e salted away a few mil. Helps pay for the lawyers.

  3. Kevin
    April 30th, 2004 @ 6:29 pm

    Careful! If you find Jesus, and then lose him again, you’re going to hell no matter what. Steal lots of money, and when you’re old, then turn to Jesus. Preferably a deathbed thing. Just don’t get hit by a bus.

  4. Anton Mates
    April 30th, 2004 @ 11:56 pm

    But then what if you die before you’re done stealing? To maximize the chance of dying without having sinned greatly after your most recent repentance, try to turn to Jesus at least four times a day.

  5. JadeMunky
    May 1st, 2004 @ 5:32 am

    Nah, that’d turn me into a spiritual hypochondriac. kinda like people that make it a habit to wash their hands 15 times a day. How bout a weekly turning to Jesus and also before attempting anything potentially unsafe. Also, just to hedge your bets you might also wanna turn to Allah, Zeus, Odin, Krishna, Ra, Buddah read the book of mormon and study the Vedas……..or not.

  6. Mark H
    May 3rd, 2004 @ 12:55 pm

    Actually, the ‘successful’ spell in the story is elegant in its simplicity: The result was a magical ‘Christmas Savings Account.’ When Shez didn’t need extra money, the spell automatically extracted it and deposited it with the government or power company.

    Then when the need for cash arose, it was returned with no interest!

    Which is why I don’t use Gia as my accountant. That’s also the problem with being unconcerned with the state of one’s immortal soul: when such people turn to God, they do so for entirely the wrong things.

  7. Redfred
    May 3rd, 2004 @ 2:13 pm

    JadeMunkey, Religious hypochondriac, I like that one!.. Compulsive Jesus Disorder even better…. CJD Hmmmmm Where have I herd that before……..

    I have a money spell just like Shez. Every time I need money (Really need money) $100 gets deposited in my account, I call it my “linked savings account” I got i from the all powerful Great one “Wachovia”

    May 3rd, 2004 @ 2:26 pm

    The Rundown

    Priceless, folks. Just priceless: “[Gov. Schwarzenegger] was cheered at every stop along the way” in Jerusalem. Many “wore Schwarzenegger T-shirts and some shirtless men wrote “We Love Arnold” on their chests.” A little rehash, since I’ve been away fr…

  9. JadeMunky
    May 3rd, 2004 @ 6:35 pm

    btw, is anyone else seriously impressed with the amount of thought these wiccans put into their ethical
    spellcasting? If it weren’t so hilariously stupid to begin with that is.

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