Teen Upbeat Despite Failed Audition for Wholesome Family Drama
October 31, 2003 | 6 Comments
Salt Lake City, Utah, October 30, 2003
Special to The Raving Atheist
A winsome Utah teen figured she’d be a shoo-in for a role in a family-oriented movie — after all, she’d be playing herself!
So Elizabeth Smart, 15, admits she was just a tad miffed when grumpy TV producers nixed her bid to star in the dramatization of her joyous reunion with her family after nine months of statutory rape by a bedraggled, wild-eyed, schizophrenic, heroin-addicted, scripture-spouting, polygamous Mormon drifter. “Why don’t they want me?” she asked her parents.
“We reminded her that a smile is just a frown turned upside down,” said Elizabeth’s father, Ed Smart, who authorized CBS to made The Elizabeth Smart Story. “And she snapped right back to being her old sweet self, just like she did after nine months of sex in a mountain teepee with a self-proclaimed prophet of God and his witch-like concubine.”
In June 2002 Elizabeth, then 14, was taken from her home by transient panhandlers Brian David Mitchell and Wanda Barzee. Ed Smart, also a Mormon, had earlier hired Mitchell to do some work on his roof. “We chatted about how our God sent prophets down to Earth to spread polygamy and collect child-brides,” said Smart. “I never would have suspected him of doing what he did.”
Smart said he’s sure that Mitchell will snap back to being his old sweet self if he ever gets out of prison. “And then Maybe he and Elizabeth could co-star in a movie about the life of Joseph Smith. ” Smith, the founder of the Mormon Church, took thirty-three wives before being murdered in jail by an angry mob.
October 31st, 2003 @ 12:58 pm
“statutory rape”…are you suggesting the sex was mutually agreeable?
October 31st, 2003 @ 1:47 pm
well, at least i’m not the only one totally freaked out by the smarts. and mormons. your site’s hilarious.
November 2nd, 2003 @ 4:26 pm
Living in Utah and seeing the smart saga play out in person, I must say you nailed it, or rather someone nailed it, got nailed, oh hell forget it. I was particularly taken by a smile is just a frown turned upside down, what are you an ex Mormon, and why don’t you have a link to my blog I’m every bit the atheist that Brian Flemming is.
November 3rd, 2003 @ 1:02 pm
” Smith, the founder of the Mormon Church, took thirty-three wives before being murdered in jail by an angry mob.”
Proof that an angry mob isn’t always a bad thing.
November 3rd, 2003 @ 1:38 pm
Certainly DOJ stats show that it’s very typical for girls who’ve been kidnapped for around nine months to return taller and with boobs and an ass… why accuse this one girl just because her family refused to cooperate with authorities at every turn?
July 25th, 2009 @ 9:35 pm
This article is both completely untrue & mean. You should be ashamed of yourself.