The Raving Theist

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Socially Destructive Organization Calls Gays Socially Useless

April 3, 2003 | 5 Comments

The Vatican, April 3, 2003
Special to The Raving Atheist

An organization which promotes hatred, misogyny and psychosis has defined gays as creatures “without any social value” in a 1,000 page glossary released on Monday. The Catholic Church, which teaches that the universe is ruled by an immaterial, invisible but omnipresent and infinite father/son/ghost team, declared that homosexuality is a product of “profoundly disordered minds.” The Church did, however, decry hatred, cautioning that no one should hate the Church itself for its campaign of spreading hatred. Specifically, the Church cautioned against stigmatizing the homophobic as “homophobic.” Vatican spokesman Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger cautioned against defining words with their actual meanings, saying that that would defeat the very purpose of a glossary.

The glossary was issued to celebrate what the Pope has declared as the Month of Self-Parody and Incoherence. In January, the celibate, unattached, loveless Pontiff celebrated irony by denouncing loving relationships between gays. In February, the Pope banned the use of literary devices, substituting them for the seven deadly sins. March marked the beginning of Lent, the season of starvation and self-flagellation. May is slated to be the month of tomfoolery, pettifogging and hullabaloo.

In a related story, the Association of LSD and Cyanide Manufacturers condemned water as inert. Industry spokesman Gary Hodges noted that the liquid was “chemically useless,” having no power to affect or destroy the mind or body. In contrast, Hodges, said, LSD has the power to make you think you’re God, and cyanide adds an extra deadly zing to Kool-Aid.


5 Responses to “Socially Destructive Organization Calls Gays Socially Useless”

  1. Chris
    April 3rd, 2003 @ 12:39 pm

    One could argue that religious people are “socially useless” as they do nothing to help us move out of the dark ages socially.

  2. Rumblefish
    April 3rd, 2003 @ 1:46 pm

    LSD gives the kool-aid zing.

  3. nietzsche
    April 3rd, 2003 @ 11:40 pm

    Good rave! However, Ratzinger is not the Vatican’s spokesman. The Vatican’s official spokesman is Dr. Joaquin Navarro-Valls; he also happens to be a numerary (celibate) member of the Roman Catholic secret (and sinister) organization Opus Dei (i.e., the Work of God).

  4. Nkomomo
    April 4th, 2003 @ 11:07 am

    I think that attributing it to the spirits of the highway (headless horseman, anyone?) is just something the official folk are saying. Fact is, the towns that surround 666 probably need the money from speeding tickets, drunk driving, etc. It’s a numbers thing, I think.

  5. mike
    April 5th, 2003 @ 11:53 am

    i posted something about this a couple days ago when I ran across it too. Funny thing about that “no redeeming social value” quote though; I don’t see anyone ordering that the Sistine Chapel’s ceiling be repainted semigloss eggshell white just yet.

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