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Missing Pregnant Woman’s Mother-in-Law Prays for Murder of Different Pregnant Woman

April 18, 2003 | 7 Comments

Modesto, California, April 18, 2003
Special to The Raving Atheist

The mother-in-law of Laci Peterson is praying that God murder a different pregnant woman and substitute her body for the headless, legless corpse that washed ashore in San Francisco earlier this week, according to the New York Post. The badly decomposed remains, clad in maternity clothes, were discovered Monday in the same bay where Laci’s husband, Scott Peterson, claimed he was “fishing” on the very day of her disappearance. A full-term fetus, with its umbilical cord still attached, was found in the same area.

Scott’s mother, Jackie Peterson, said Tuesday that she was “praying that it’s not Laci.” But Berkeley police chief Warren Hodges questioned the efficacy of this strategy. “Right now, that body simply is whoever it is,” noted. “If it’s not Laci, then there’s absolutely no need for Mrs. Peterson to pray for divine intervention,” he said. “But if it is, she will have to pray for God to reverse time, kill another lady, rip out her fetus, and throw the remains in the same bay where Laci’s husband, Scott Peterson, claimed he was ‘fishing’ on the very day of her disappearance.”

Hodges nevertheless said that he would join prayers for a miracle. “And we’ll really start praying hard if the DNA from the body matches Laci’s,” he added. “I’ll conduct a new autopsy the very next day to see if there’s been a miraculous change in identity.” Chief Hodges stated, however, that he hoped God would not pick his own pregnant wife, Betsy, to replace Laci. “I will pray that the Lord find it in his heart instead to murder an ugly, unwed pregnant teenage prostitute and throw her remains in the same bay where Laci’s husband, Scott Peterson, claimed he was ‘fishing’ on the very day of her disappearance.”

God has answered prayers similar to those of Mrs. Peterson in the past. “After Richard Ricci raped and murdered Elizabeth Smart last June, I was beseiged with prayers that her body not be found dead,” God said. “So I fixed her up and gave her to Brian David Mitchell, who I knew because we were drafting a manifesto together at the time.” God noted that while he was also touched by the prayers of the family of the substituted little girl, Samantha Runnion, her body was discovered and buried too quicky for him to pull another switch.

Comments

7 Responses to “Missing Pregnant Woman’s Mother-in-Law Prays for Murder of Different Pregnant Woman”

  1. AL
    April 18th, 2003 @ 7:14 pm

    God damn, this has got to be one of the most irreverent, mean-spirited posts I have ever read!

    I like that. =P

  2. Vincent
    April 19th, 2003 @ 7:29 pm

    Yeah. Very nice. Or, um, something. Anyhow well done. I laughed and cringed.

  3. The Raving Atheist
    April 19th, 2003 @ 8:32 pm

    AL, VINCENT: It is undisputed that 1) a headless, legless corpse washed ashore and that 2) Laci’s mother-in-law said she was “praying that it’s not Laci.” The rest of the article simply traces the necessary implications of those facts. This is objective journalism. I report, you decide.

  4. God himself
    April 29th, 2003 @ 12:28 pm

    What a waste of bandwidth. I came accross this “article” doing research on the case and could not beleive someone could be so stupid.

  5. Rumblefish
    April 29th, 2003 @ 12:43 pm

    I always figured god would be more eloquent.

    Research for what? Your first grade class project.

  6. Jon
    April 30th, 2003 @ 5:01 pm

    What does God need with an email address, anyhow? I thought there were supposed to be angels, prophets, saints, that sort of thing. Oh, and burning shrubbery.

  7. LacisKeeper
    May 3rd, 2003 @ 6:10 pm

    I have been seriously obsessed with this case since it came out.. but I don’t find what RA is saying as necessarily offensive. I can see the logic, and the humor behind it. It’s called Satire. And RA does it well. I think alot of folks get freaked out by the word Atheist.. and just naturally assume that RA is running around in the woods with a dagger looking for a young virgin or something… its about religious freedom. I’m more agnostic. But I have the sense to acknowledge and accept all religions… all RA is doing is making a point. And a fine point at that….this case is a tragedy.. and I’m sorry but I wonder where Sharon Rocha’s God was when Laci was dying.. her child kicking and all that hoopla. It’s a horrible thought but it happens all the time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m one of those weird-0 Laci followers, but I agree with RA. The intellect is too hard to miss… It’s fine journalism.. and people if you are offended… close the damn page… go away… don’t sit there and read the shit… First Amendment, Sheesh….

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