The Raving Theist

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2000 December

Car-Man

December 28, 2000 | 1 Comment

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Fake-Based Stem Cell Research Offers New Hope to Millions

December 23, 2000 | Comments Off

Seoul, South Korea, December 22, 2005
Special to The Dawn Patrol

The results of a landmark embryonic stem cell research study were faked — a finding that many say proves there is a secular alternative to creating the hope offered by various religious doctrines. On Friday, a panel from South National University concluded that Professor Hwang Woo-suk “intentionally fabricated” the data for a 2005 paper regarding the medical benefits of the destruction of future human beings.

“Faith-based theories of the afterlife will soon be replaced by fake-based scientific studies dedicated to sacrificing the beforelife,” predicted Prof. Yoo So-dum, a colleague of Hwang. “Those so fervently hoping for eternally-prolonged life can now take solace in solid, laboratory-fabricated studies.”

Bioethicist Betty B. Hoskins — whose groundbreaking paper Respecting What We Destroy first established that embryos are honored by their killing — said she was “excited” by the new development. “Embryos would be delighted to learn that their destruction was completely gratuitous,” she said. “Sacrifice without the expectation of gain is the highest form of charity.”

Hoskins added that she knew that “Christopher Reeve would be smiling down on us from Heaven, if there were such a thing.” She said that Hwang’s study showed that the exploitation of the actor’s suffering in political campaigns was not in vain. “Was his hope, however unjustified, any less real?” she asked.

Hwang’s highly-anticipated next study, showing that unanesthesized toddlers feel no pain when their innards are havested as organ meat for pet food, is scheduled for publication next month.

Abortion Blog Finds Abortion Display “Disturbing”

December 21, 2000 | Comments Off

New York, New York, December 21, 2005
Special to The Dawn Patrol

Abortion blog BushvChoice has labeled a news item about a fetus tree in a women’s-only gym as “the most disturbing story ever.” The tree contained blue and pink stockings stuffed with plastic dolls, and coupons for a local crisis pregnancy center’s pamphlets, children’s clothes and informational abortion videos.

“Yeah, that’s right –a frigging fetus tree,” wrote blog author Jessica Valenti. Noting that several women cancelled their gym memberships in opposition, Valenti asked rhetorically, “Ya think?”

Valenti did not explain precisely what she found “disturbing” about the tree story. However, sources have speculated that she may consider there to be something mildly distasteful about exposing women to the public discussion of abortion, the procedure upon which every post at her blog fanatically centers. Others suggested that Valenti may be upset that the tree was not hung with Choice on Earth cards celebrating Planned Parenthood’s gift last year of a quarter-million abortions, a number which Valenti has termed “the least disturbing statistic ever.”

Amazon.com

December 4, 2000 | Comments Off

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